Tangoing With Three
by YoyYoy
Summary: Hidan, Itachi, and Deidara are in a demented threeway relationship. They undergo all the things a normal couple would, but when you have a synaesthesiest, a freaky cult zealot, and a clothing designer, what could you expect? AU, yaoi, HiItaDei lemon
1. Chapter 1

Itachi glanced around the bar and sighed. He hated bars. He had nothing against alcohol, no, he was never one to say no to a good wine or brandy. But it was the random men who thought they were 'all that' coming up to him and offering themselves as if they were gods on earth. Neither could he stand the drunkards falling over themselves and laughing on those raucous, obnoxious voices. . . Itachi shivered. No, thank kami he had love waiting at home peeking at his cards. Today, Itachi was only here for his brother. But oh, here came yet another cocky man, thinking with the wrong head.

"Hello, I couldn't help but notice you standing here all alone, without a date or a drink-"

"I'm taken care of, thanks," Itachi said coldly, trying to loose the silver-haired man. But he just followed.

"So what are you looking for?" he asked, obviously referring to himself.

"My brother," Itachi replied simply, spying his little brother's duck-butt head over in a corner. Relieved, Itachi made his way over to him, the silver-haired man following him. Sasuke, Itachi found, was slumped over the table, completely unconscious. Itachi grabbed Sasuke's arm, wrapping it around his neck and hoisting his brother up.

"Want help?" the silver-haired man asked.

"No," Itachi snapped. He didn't want help, he didn't want random men flirting with him, and he most definitely didn't want his fucked up little brother to call him every weekend to take him home. Using body language and a few verbal prompts, Itachi made it starkly clear he wished to be left alone to heave his brother out of the bar. Unfortunately, the man followed.

"It wouldn't be very gentlemanly of me to let you drag him home all alone. Here, want me to call you a cab?"

"No. Go away."

"Here, it's no trouble-"

"I live two blocks from here. I am in no need of a taxi."

"Oh. Well, let me walk you."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I can handle myself, thank you very much." Itachi's tone was icy, his body sending major 'fuck off' vibes as he started for home.

"Come on, I can't let you walk on your own."

"And why the hell not?" Itachi demanded. Count to ten, he told himself. This man means no harm, he only wishes to assist you-

"It's not safe."

"Are you implying I'm weak?" Itachi growled.

"Of course not. What, are we in Samurai times or something? I'm just trying to be polite. Besides, we're half a block from the bar, I might as well not turn back now." Itachi rolled his eyes, but said nothing. He hated company, almost as much as he hated bars. But the man was only being polite.

Soon they reached the apartment building Itachi lived in, and Itachi informed the man of this. The man sighed. "I rather enjoyed this little walk of ours. What's your name?"

"Itachi."

"Well, Itachi, I hope we might see each other again sometime."

"Perhaps. . ." Itachi didn't wait for the man's answer, simply walking into the building and hurriedly to the elevator.

The door burst open and Itachi slumped into the apartment, Sasuke struggling slightly. Quickly, Itachi dumped his brother on the couch, and turned to the kitchen where his two lovers were sitting, playing cards. "Hey, I thought he wasn't gonna crash here," Hidan complained.

"I did not intend for this to happen," Itachi groaned, collapsing into the only available chair at the table. Deidara glanced over the top of his cards.

"Took you a while, we played eight rounds, yeah."

"How many rounds am I down, then?"

"Eight," Hidan said, smirking. Itachi sighed, picking up his cards.

"So what's up with Sasuke, un?" Deidara asked.

"He called me, and then fainted I guess. We'll kick him out in the morning."

"We'd better," Hidan said, looking down at his cards. He smiled. "I'll bid-"

"Itachi goes first, I dealt, un," Deidara stopped him.

"Two."

"You didn't drink, right?" Hidan asked, glancing back at his hand. Itachi shook his head.

"I'm in a bad mood."

"Tell, yeah," Deidara said.

"Some crazy man decided to start flirting with me. He walked me here."

"Oh my, yeah," Deidara said, grinning from ear to ear. "What did he look like, hmm?"

"Silver, spikey hair, a stupid grin, and pink eye."

"I'll bid three," Hidan said. Deidara groaned, slamming his hand down on the table.

"I hate you all, yeah. I can't bid zero, yeah! Fine, one, yeah," he grumbled, recording it. Suddenly, there was a commotion in the alley beside the apartment building. "Ugh, stupid dogs, un," Deidara muttered, getting up to take a look. Once he was out of the room, Hidan and Itachi immediately peeked at his cards.

"No trump! Hah, he's so going to die!" Hidan chortled. Itachi hummed.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing, yeah?" they heard Deidara suddenly scream. Itachi and Hidan exchanged a nervous glance and leapt to their feet, finding Deidara in the living room, leaning over the railing of the fire escape. Hidan and Itachi stepped up beside him. Itachi groaned, and Hidan tried not to laugh.

"Itachi-san! Can I speak to you?" the silver-haired man called up.

"You can't talk to Itachi-san, you prick, un!" Deidara cried. Itachi groaned.

"Sir, this is bordering in stalking," Itachi called down.

"We can't just have a little chat?"

"I've already told you, I'm taken care of," Itachi replied.

"What is that supposed to mean?" the man asked.

"It means keep your paws off!" Hidan called, grabbing Itachi around the waist. Deidara threw his arms around Itachi's neck for emphasis. The man's eyes widened.

"So. . ."

"Yeah, bastard, keep away," Hidan called. The man coughed.

"Um, well, I'll just be leaving, then," the man said awkwardly, backing up a bit. Deidara suck his tongue out, snuggling closer to his Itachi. Itachi jumped as he felt Hidan reach behind him and grab his ass.

"Are you still in a bad mood?" Hidan whispered huskily in Itachi's ear. Itachi sighed, melting into their arms. Whenever he was around them, he could never stay in a bad mood.

But it was also strange how quickly Hidan and Deidara could suddenly want sex. It was always difficult to say no, because if he did they would just have sex in front of him. And now, with Hidan whispering his dripping words in Itachi's ear, and getting Deidara to writhe and beg, Itachi knew they weren't going to be able to walk in the morning, except for Hidan.

.

Itachi sat at the kitchen table, the cards from last night's came still there. He checked Hidan's hand and shook his head. Deidara would've lost. He quickly sipped at his tea, wishing to burn his tongue to wake himself up. With his left hand, he sketched out a new design for a winter coat. Hmm, fur would be terrible, and it was so overused and our of style, not to mention cruel and uneconomic. And faux fur was so disgusting. No, this year's style would have to be something completely new, exciting-

"Morning, gorgeous," Hidan mumbled, draping himself over Itachi's shoulders. Itachi sighed, holding his tea closer to himself as he set his pencil down.

"What do you want?" he asked sharply.

"Tea. . ."

"Then get it."

"Deidara would make me tea. . ."

"But Deidara's not up, so you'll have to make your own tea."

"So mean. . . And what are we going to do about your brother?" Hidan plucked himself off of Itachi and went over to the counter.

"I don't know. He still hasn't woken up."

"Jeez, our couch is going to smell so bad," Hidan complained, heating up some hot water. "Fucking hell, do we only have green tea?"

"There's some black tea somewhere in the cupboard." Hidan began his search, and was rewarded with some black tea leaves. Smiling at his success, Hidan quickly prepared his tea and sat down next to Itachi.

"What time do you have to be in to work?" Itachi asked.

"One. What about you?"

"Ten. Will Deidara be up before I leave?"

"Probably not after the pounding I gave him," Hidan chuckled.

"Then give him a kiss for me, will you?"

"Will do, Mr. Sappy."

"Shut it." Hidan grinned, and promptly burned his tongue on his tea.

"Aw fuck, that shit is hot," he complained.

"So wait for it to cool down," Itachi retorted. Hidan rolled his eyes.

"What are you drawing?" he asked, changing the subject.

"New winter coat. Damn, I have no idea what to do."

"Get high."

"That only gives Deidara inspiration, Hidan. It just makes me irritable."

"Jeez, everything either makes you irritable or horny."

"And everything just makes you horny," Itachi sighed, looking at the clock. "I should probably get dressed." He stood up, stretched, and tip-toed down the hallway to the bedroom. He smiled down at Deidara sleeping. The blonde was so peaceful when he wasn't awake and running around, making a big deal about everything.

"Peaches. . ." Deidara mumbled. Itachi chuckled, and Deidara's eyes opened instantly.

"You made my peaches rot, un," he mumbled. Itachi sighed. Deidara could say the weirdest things sometimes. "I was dreaming about peaches, but when you chuckled they rotted. Sometimes synaesthesia sucks, yeah." Itachi nodded, knowing the gift was a blessing and a curse. "Are you going to work, yeah?"

"Unfortunately," Itachi replied, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Keep away from stalker-san, all right, un?"

"If I can help it." Deidara rolled over, displaying his perfect, tan back.

"He's weird. I don't like his voice, un," Deidara said.

"What did you see?"

"You know the color of fool's gold?"

"Exactly like gold."

"But fake, un. Stay away, yeah."

"I will, don't worry," Itachi said, standing up. He walked over to the closet and picked out a pair of pants, quickly slipping them over his boxers. He got out a white, button up shirt and tie, likewise adorning himself with these. Deidara had curled back up and attempted to fall back asleep. Itachi grinned to himself and grabbed a pair of socks as he exited the room. Hidan was still at the table with his tea, looking like he was going to fall asleep.

"Did you wake him up?" he asked.

"I rotted his peaches." Hidan blinked, checking his tea.

"Has this shit fermented?"

"I've got to go to work. Take care of him, will you?"

"Speak for yourself. Way to snag a stalker."

"Oh shut it." Itachi snatched his drawing and headed out the door. Hidan chuckled to himself. Itachi had such a stick up his ass.

* * *

Helllooooooooooooo. . . . I like reviews! If you liked the story. . . review! If you think it could be improved. . . . review! If you HATED it. . . .FUCKING REVIEW!!!! XD


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hello, don't expect updates this soon. I'm being good about this story because my friend's internet went down, so she wants to read it. Enjoy! p.s. I like reviews. Anyone who reviews gets a cookie!

* * *

Kakashi sighed, throwing an arm over his eyes. "And he was gorgeous! I swear, he's the best looking man I've ever seen!" he was saying. His friend had pulled up a kitchen chair in order to sit next to Kakashi and hear his tale. "If only I could impress him!"

"But he's taken..." Iruka said slowly. "Like, by two guys. Isn't that the epitome of 'taken'?"

"So? Shit can happen," Kakashi said flippantly. Iruka sighed, sipping his coffee.

"So what are you going to do, break them up?" he asked sarcastically.

"You're a genius!" Kakashi cried, sitting up sharply. Iruka sighed.

"You can't honestly want to..."

"That blonde looked easy to intimidate..." Kakashi mused, not listening to Iruka.

"Kakashi, that's completely-"

"Iruka, you have no idea how gorgeous this man was! He was the embodiment of beauty on earth!"

"So? Does personality mean nothing to you?"

"Come on Iruka, if you had someone as gorgeous as this man, even you wouldn't care what he said." Iruka sighed, knowing how true that was becoming.

"I'm not going to stop you, but I have a feeling you're going to get arrested."

"Don't worry about me, Ruru-chan, I'll be fine," Kakashi said, getting up and showing Iruka the door. Iruka sighed and left.  
"But I do… I worry about you all the time," he whispered to himself.

* * *

Deidara picked up his violin, setting up his music with his foot as he plucked his strings with his left hand. It sounded in tune enough, and looked it as well. "You going to play me something?" Hidan asked, sitting backwards in his chair.

"If you like scales, yeah," Deidara replied, launching himself into an A minor three octave scale. Hidan sighed.

"What else are you going to play?"

"Shut up, un. You know how hard it is to see the music with you blabbering? I'm performing tonight, and I have a solo, yeah."

"What piece?"

"Beethoven's B-flat Quartet, Op. 127, yeah." Hidan whistled.

"Sorry I asked. Is it hard?"

"It's a violinist's dream, un. And then there's Beethoven's fifth, which we're also playing..."

"Oh! I know that one!" Hidan said excitedly. Deidara snickered.

"Nope, you don't, un. You only know theme A from the first movement, un. The last movement doesn't end, however, yeah." Deidara began another scale, this time through the cunning employment of arpeggios.

"What do you mean it doesn't end?" Hidan asked.

"You've never heard it all the way through, have you, un?"

"Uh. . ."

"That's what I thought, yeah. It takes a very long time to end, and my personal theory is that half the audience died while listening to it, un."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, un. Damn, this'll be next Tuesday, yeah."

"You're performing next Tuesday?"

"Uh, yeah, un. I'm also performing every day this week, un."

"Oh."

"Now shut up, I have to practice, un," Deidara said. Hidan sighed, Deidara was adamant about practicing, and nothing could make him do otherwise. After a quick set of warm ups, he set right into a complicated succession of notes that Hidan couldn't keep track of. He found himself drifting, as he often did while listening to Deidara play. Soon he was flopped over the back of the chair, snoring. Deidara wrinkled his nose and grabbed his rosin, throwing it at Hidan. He then turned back to playing.

"What the hell was that for?" Hidan demanded.

"You're breaking my concentration, un," Deidara replied, not even stopping his playing. Hidan sighed, leaving the kitchen. Sometimes Deidara could get annoying.

Deidara set down his violin, wrinkling his nose as he stood up and stretched, back cracking. How long had he been lost in the music? Yawning, he walked to the door to open it. "Eh?" he cried, almost slamming the door again.

"Ah, good morning," Kakashi said, grinning evilly. Deidara growled. It was something in the man's voice that grated against his nerves.

"What the hell do you want, un?" Deidara demanded. Could a bow be used as a bayonet?

"I was just wondering if Itachi was in."

"Why the fuck are you looking for him, yeah?" Deidara snarled.

"My, a bit worked up, are we?" Deidara shivered. What a disgusting man.

"You have no business coming here when you barely even know him, un."

"He dropped something when he was bringing his brother here. I just came to return it," Kakashi replied.

"Hmm?" Deidara looked over Kakashi suspiciously. "Give it here, then, and I can give it to him, yeah."

"So I take it he's not here?" Kakashi asked wilily. Deidara glared.

"What's going on?" Hidan asked, poking his head around the corner.

"This… person is asking for Itachi. He says he dropped something last night, un." Deidara explained this all without taking his eyes off Kakashi. Kakashi smiled at Hidan, feeling himself grow uneasy. He sensed the lack of boundaries around the silver-haired man.

"Well hand it over," Hidan said, extending his hand expectantly. He couldn't see what Deidara could, but he knew Deidara's instincts had never led anyone astray. Kakashi reached in his pocket and handed over an ID card. Hidan took it and quickly scanned it. He then tossed it to Deidara. "It's Sasuke's," he said simply. "Well, thank you for returning it. I'm sure Sasuke will be pleased." Kakashi nodded and left. Deidara shivered, looking about ready to strangle something cute and furry. No one had ever rubbed him the wrong way before this man. "What, may I ask, is the problem with this man?" Hidan asked, leaning against the wall. Deidara shook his head, closing his eyes.

"He's just… I don't know, un. But can't you hear it, yeah? His voice, like he's… if he keeps coming around, something bad is going to happen, un."

"Should I be concerned about something?" Hidan asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I couldn't expect you to understand, yeah. But look at the plain facts: he followed Itachi home, called for Itachi at our fire escape-" Deidara shivered. "and he came here, and made a big deal over returning a stupid little ID card, un. This isn't the sort of man you want to associate with, un." Deidara sat back down and picked up his violin, angrily setting back into the piece. Hidan sighed, shaking his head. Maybe Deidara was overreacting because he was jealous.

* * *

Hidan walked into the restaurant's kitchen, pulling on his toque as he did so. "All right, slobs, let's get moving!" he cried, grabbing a metal spoon. This was his 'unsanitary spoon', the one that was not to be used for cooking.

"Chef! We have someone looking for a job," the second head cook said. Hidan brandished his spoon.

"Who?" he asked, grinning deviously. The second head chef gestured to a cowering teenage boy. Hidan chuckled, poking the boy in the chest.

"You want a job, eh?" he asked. The boy nodded nervously. Hidan chuckled darkly. "Why, pray tell, would you look here?"

"Um… I was turned down from a lot of other restaurants…"

"Oh? Why?" Hidan asked.

"I'm a bit clumsy…" Hidan looked at the second chef.

"I'd like to show you something," Hidan said slyly, exchanging a knowing look with the second chef. "Follow me." Hidan turned and led the teenager to a dark room with bloody hooks lining the walls. The boy gulped.

The second chef looked up from his pot scrubbing to see a very pale looking teenage boy exit the meat cooler. Hidan followed, smirking. "So, can you start today?" Hidan asked.

"Uh… sure…" the boy said.

"Good. Take out the garbage, then," Hidan instructed. The boy nodded, giving off a little squeak as he ran off to do the task. Hidan winked at the second head chef, and went off to yell at someone and whack them over the head with his 'unsanitary spoon'.

* * *

Sasuke opened his eyes, staring groggily up at the blonde head swimming before him. "Ugh, what did I do last night?" he groaned.

"You crashed on our couch, yeah," Deidara replied, wrinkling his nose. "You stink, un. Go take a shower, yeah." Sasuke rolled over, pressing his face into the pillows.

"I like it here."

"Get the fuck off the couch, drunkard," Deidara growled running around the couch to push Sasuke off. Sasuke fell with a thud and stumbled to his feet, looking around.

"Where's Itachi?"

"He had to go to work, un. And I don't want to leave you alone here, so get going, yeah! I swear, if you make me late, then I swear I'll castrate you, un."

"Late for what?"

"I've got a dress-rehearsal and performance, un." Just then, the phone rang. Deidara answered it. "Hello? Oh, yeah, he's still here, un. No, I was just trying to get him off the couch, yeah. Didn't think of that, un. Sure, all right. Bye." Deidara sighed. "Do you have somewhere to live, un?" Deidara asked Sasuke.

"Of course."

"Do you have a roommate?"

"Yeah."

"Good. I'm calling him, yeah."

"Wait! Don't!" Sasuke cried, leaping for the phone. Deidara dodged easily and quirked an eyebrow.

"Oh? What's wrong with calling your roommate, un?"

"Just… don't. I'll call him." Deidara handed Sasuke the phone, and he quickly dialed a number. "Um, hi Naruto, this is Sasuke." And then this Naruto character screamed, loud enough for Deidara to hear:

"Did you get laid?!" Sasuke winced, holding the phone away from his ear. Deidara snickered.

"Yeah. I'm actually at his apartment. Could you please pick me up?" Deidara's amusement ended.

"What the hell-"

"Just play along-"

"No, un!" Deidara crossed his arms angrily over his chest and looked away angrily. Sasuke smirked and went back to the phone, promptly giving the address. And then he hung up.

"Look, we just had a bet, so if you play along I'll give you half."

"How much would that be, un?"

"Fifty bucks." Deidara twitched. Money. He gulped thickly.

"I won't play along, but I won't blow your cover, yeah," Deidara said slowly. As an artist, he understood the importance of money.

"Good. He'll be here in a few minutes." Deidara sighed, picking up his violin.

"Stay quiet, then, yeah. I need to practice, un." Sasuke sighed. It was going to be a long wait.

Naruto banged on the door, happy Sasuke had finally gotten laid. He had made the bet to get Sasuke outside and meeting new people, and didn't mind the hundred dollars he now owed his roommate. A blonde man answered the door, a violin bow in his hand. "Yeah?" he asked.

"Hi! I'm Naruto! I'm here for Sasuke!" Naruto said eagerly. Deidara stepped back.

"Sasuke! Little blondie is here for you, un!" he called. Sasuke got up off the couch and tried to look sated as he came upon the hyper blond. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"So I'm guessing I won our little bet?" Sasuke asked, trying to sound smug. Natuo nodded, not really caring.

"Yup, you sure did! And you got to meet someone new!" Naruto grinned at Deidara.

"Just leave, yeah," Deidara mumbled, pushing Sasuke out the door and slamming it behind him.

Sasuke blinked, finding himself tangled up in Naruto's arms. Coughing, they both disentangled themselves and started for the stairs. "So are you planning on seeing him again?" Naruto asked. Sasuke shrugged.

"I don't know," he muttered.

"Was it nice?"

"Do you have any shame?"

"Nope!"

"It was ok, I guess," Sasuke said, blushing slightly. He would have to come up with something if Naruto kept being so nosy. Which, Sasuke guessed, would happen, judging by the devious grin now plastered on his friend's face.

"So who was top?" he asked. Sasuke spluttered, trying to come up with something.

"I w-was," he finally stuttered. "Now stop being so nosy." Naruto grinned from ear to ear and skipped down the stairs. Sasuke sighed.

* * *

Itachi was the first to get home. Knowing Deidara wouldn't be back until well after midnight, and Hidan despised cooking at home, he quickly began to prepare a meal. Itachi wasn't a fine chef like Hidan, but he could make something decent, unlike Deidara who had nearly exploded the kitchen a number of times. The chopping of the vegetables and the rhythmic stirring was soothing to Itachi's nerves, and he soon relaxed. He hardly noticed as time slipped by, only being brought from his trance by the phone. Jumping, he answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey, Itachi, un."

"Hi Deidara. Where are you?"

"The dress-rehearsal just ended, and I'm going to pick up some Chinese before the concert. Don't wait up, yeah, I'll get back by one at best, un."

"Why don't you just get a hotel down there?"

"I'd never sleep, yeah, knowing I could be back with you two."

"That's sweet."

"How did work go, un?"

"We've thrown around a few ideas, but we're still stuck on the coat."

"Oh dear. Aw, shit, yeah! Excuse me sir, do NOT step on that, yeah! What is it, un? You uncultured swine! Get the hell away from it, you'll give it cooties, yeah! Gotta go Ita-kun, talk to you later, yeah!" and Deidara hung up. Itachi sighed, shaking his head as he replaced the handset. Hidan wouldn't be back until after the dinner rush, so it looked like Itachi was going to eat on his own. Once dinner was ready, he put half of it in the refrigerator and took the other half to the living room to catch the news.

* * *

Hidan stumbled into the apartment, yawning. Itachi looked away from the T.V. "There's some dinner in the fridge," he said.

"Thanks," Hidan said, getting out the food and plopping down at the table. Itachi turned off the T.V. and got up, sitting down at the table with Hidan.

"How was work?" he asked.

"Boring. I scared the shit out of the garbage boy, though."

"Sounds fun."

"And that man came here looking for you."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Deidara answered the door, but he came to return your brother's ID. But he asked for you initially."

"Oh my."

"Deidara seems to think this is serious. He really doesn't like this guy."

"Deidara's always jealous. And you know how emotional he gets."

"But I'm starting to take him seriously…"

"I'll be fine. He seems harmless, and has a little puppy love ever hurt anyone?"

"I really hope you're right. I'd hate for you to get hurt because of something like this."

"Are you worrying?" Itachi accused playfully. Hidan glared and took a big mouthful of food, getting out of answering. Itachi rolled his eyes, smiling ever so slightly.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: HI! Ok, this is short, but i wanted to show the world what Nikki helped me with! Lemon in next chapter, I promise! But Nikki caught the fatal mistake- Itachi sighed, realizing just how little he knew of his liver. XD I corrected it, but then I realized: how much do YOU know about your liver? Don't worry, I already looked it up, so if you want to know more about your liver, here's the link:

.org/wiki/Liver

* * *

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto cried happily, walking briskly up to his old teacher.

"Hi, Naruto. I haven't seen you in a while. How have you been?"

"Pretty good, actually. I'm a hundred dollars in debt to my roommate, but it was for a good cause."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. He never gets out, like, ever, so I made a bet with him that I could get laid that night and he couldn't."

"So did he?"

"Yeah! This totally hot blonde guy, though not my style, who lives up near the tracks. Oh, you know that old apartment building with all the funny murals on the sides?"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah! He was a bit angry, but I think he was just embarrassed."

"Have you gotten a new roommate since Kiba moved out?"

"Yeah. Uchiha Sasuke. I really like him, but he can be a bit aloof sometimes."

"But at least you two can get along. Would this Uchiha Sasuke be any relation to the designer Uchiha Itachi?"

"Yeah, I think they're brothers, but he never talks about him much." Their conversation was interrupted by a waitress walking up to them.

"Have you two boys decided what you want?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'll have the ramen…"

* * *

"I can't believe it! That little blonde whore is sleeping with Itachi's brother!" Kakashi gasped into the phone. Iruka sighed on the other end, sending a small wave of static to Kakashi's end.

"I highly doubt-"

"Iruka, this is my chance! If I tell Itachi, he'll break it off with that blonde!"

"Are you sure it's the same person that this Sasuke slept with?"

"Look, the Uchiha clan keeps tight control over who is allowed to use the name Uchiha. It's very likely that this Sasuke is the little brother I saw Itachi dragging home."

"Then if Itachi knew he was there, why would his blonde boyfriend sleep with him?"

"I don't know, but the blonde one really looked like a whore to me."

"Look, Kakashi, I think you're jumping to conclusions and butting in. Maybe Itachi knows."

"If he knew, he wouldn't keep him around. A man who sleeps around isn't good for anything but prostitution."

"Don't you think that's a bit harsh?"

"If I had Itachi, I would treat him worlds better," Kakashi stated, not listening to Iruka.

"Look, even if you have found that Itachi is being cheated on, there's still the matter of the other guy."

"Oh yeah. Well, maybe if he were to cheat on them…"

"He seems pretty devoted by what you've told me."

"Iruka, are you gay?"

"…yeah…"

"Do you think you could seduce him?"

"What? No!"

"Please?"

"Get someone else to do it."

"Oh come on, it's not like you're taken," Kakashi said. Iruka was silent. "Fine. I'll get Asuma or Kurenai or someone."

"I still don't think this is a good idea."

"I do. Well, I'm off to go start a war. Bye."

"Bye." Kakashi hung up, thoroughly satisfied with himself.

* * *

Deidara came out of the bedroom, picking up his violin. "I have to meet Sasuke after my rehearsal, so I might be a little late, yeah," he said to Hidan. Hidan looked up briefly from the book he was reading and shrugged.

"Sure," he said.

"Bye, un," Deidara said, waltzing out of the apartment.

* * *

"Quit following me," Itachi growled, tensed shoulders and expression of disgust clear signs he wished the man to leave him alone. Kakashi, however, insisted on staying put.

"I'm telling you, your blonde boyfriend is cheating on you with your brother," he insisted. Itachi rolled his eyes.

"What makes you so sure?" he asked.

"I just know." Itachi sighed, wondering how to ditch the man. Just then they turned a corner and were faced with an outside café. There, in the center, was Sasuke, sipping a cup of coffee and looking like he was waiting for someone.

"Look, I don't know what your problem is, but Deidara didn't sleep with Sasuke." Itachi ignored the fact his brother was so close. But he couldn't ignore the fact that Deidara was walking up to him, smiling. The blonde quickly seated himself on the railing next to the table.

"Hey Sasuke, un," he said.

"You want to have a seat?" Sasuke offered. Deidara shook his head.

"Nah, I need to get going, yeah." Deidara winked. "Trying to keep up pretences with your little roommate?" Sasuke sighed.

"I told him I wouldn't see you anymore."

"But you know that's a lie, yeah." Deidara picked up an envelope on the table and glanced at Sasuke. "Is this…?" Sasuke nodded. Itachi turned to Kakashi, speechless.

"I could be worlds better for you," Kakashi stated. "I'd never cheat on you, and treat you right."

"G-get out of here," Itachi snapped, turning on his heel and stalking away. Kakashi sighed. Itachi would have a little cry, but eventually would see the reason in leaving this… Deidara.

* * *

Itachi walked down the block, staring at the ground. Deidara wouldn't actually have the gall to…? Itachi shook his head. Deidara wouldn't. He just wouldn't… would he? Itachi sighed, realizing just how little he knew of his lover. How old was Deidara? Deidara never bothered telling Itachi and Hidan, simply saying everything they did was legal, except buying him drinks. Itachi had assumed Deidara was twenty, but close to twenty-one. Itachi shook his head. That still didn't explain if Deidara would cheat. A dark anger bubbled inside Itachi, thinking that Deidara would do that. He knew he should ask his boyfriend, but he dreaded the fact it might be true.

* * *

Itachi stalked into the apartment, and found Deidara already there, sitting on the table and reading a letter. "Where'd Hidan?" Itachi asked. Deidara looked up.

"Don't know, hmm,," he replied. "He was here when I left, but not when I got back."

"Hn." Itachi sat down on the couch, building himself up to ask. But he chickened out and asked a different one. "What's that?" he asked, indicating the letter in Deidara's hand.

"It wants me to go down to L.A. to direct an orchestra, un. Nothing big, yeah."

"You going to take it?"

"Probably, it's a lot of money, un," Deidara replied, folding the letter primly and sticking it back in its envelope. The envelope reminded Itachi of what Deidara had picked up from Sasuke, and decided he had better ask.

"Did you meet with Sasuke today?" he asked hurriedly. Deidara blinked slightly in shock.

"Yeah, un. Why?" Itachi had a sinking feeling in his gut.

"So did you two sleep together?"

"What? No, un! Why would I sleep with your brother?" Deidara cried, getting up and walking over to Itachi. "What the hell gave you that idea, un?" Itachi sighed.

"I just heard."

"Oh, I get it," Deidara said. "Ok, so he had this bet with his roommate that he could sleep with someone and the roommate couldn't, yeah. That was the night you brought him home drunk and he didn't leave till like, two, right? So he just told his roommate he slept with me, and gave me half the bet, yeah." Deidara sat down next to Itachi. "See? Now doesn't it all make sense, un?"

"So then you met him to get your money?" Itachi asked.

"Yup, un." Deidara snuggled up to Itachi. "Glad you asked before it got out of hand, un." Itachi rolled his eyes, feeling foolish.

"So, about this orchestra thing…"

"Yeah, the usual conductor threw out his back, so they asked me to fill in, un. If I'm good, I might get the position when the old guy retires, yeah."

"So are you going to behave yourself?" Deidara chuckled at Itachi's question.

"I'm going to direct an orchestra, un. No promises."

* * *

"Naruto? Can I talk to you?" Sasuke asked. Naruto leapt to his feet.

"Sure!" He ran over to the couch and sat down. Sasuke seated himself next to Naruto.

"It's about some feelings of mine…"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Um, you see, I really like you…"

"And?"

"Will you go out with me?"

"But what about your boyfriend?"

"I told you we're not going out!" Sasuke shivered. Deidara was like an older brother, albeit, an annoying one, but it was just disgusting even thinking about dating him. "Besides, it's you I want, not him," Sasuke said, thinking fast.

"Oh. Well, I guess we could, then… as long as you're not cheating," Naruto said. Sasuke had to be messing with him. Naruto had made the stupid bet to get Sasuke out of the house and meet new people, but also so he could tell himself that he wasn't asking Sasuke out because he was taken, or maybe wasn't even Sasuke's type. Then again, Sasuke did sleep with a blonde, blue-eyed uke, so maybe there was a chance.

"I assure you, this isn't cheating. Nothing happened after that night."

"Ok then!" Naruto said enthusiastically, and before he knew it, they were kissing feverishly. And neither knew who had started it.

* * *

A/N: ALL REVIEWERS GET COOKIES!!!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: A HUGE THANKS TO WHIRLEDPEACE FOR HELPING ME A TON WITH THIS CHAPTER, ESPECIALLY THE LEMON!!! LEMON WARNING!!!! YAYZ!!! Ok, for the records, you can hear everything from the viola section, and it's basically the loudest part of an orchestra. Not being able to tune your own instrument is the most embarrassing thing ever. (yes, it's happened to me, so be quiet.) Mahler's 8th requires full symphony and choir, basically the most different instruments. Sorry, does not include viola da gamba, lute, bagpipes, and didgeridoo. Here's how you remember the difference between flat and sharp: flat makes you want to puke, while sharp makes you want to punch someone.

* * *

Deidara sighed, leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes for a moment of peace. His stand partner was doing the same, having an equally busy schedule. The door to the stage opened, and the conductor walked in. Deidara sat up and picked up his violin, Sasori doing the same. Orochimaru grinned at them all once he reached his podium. Sasori grumbled something. Deidara knew there had been something between the two, but he never said anything. The old conductor, Pein, had been deciding who he was going to have take over for him, and was considering either Sasori or Orochimaru. In the end, he chose Orochimaru, and instead of promoting Sasori to concert master, hired Deidara to replace Orochimaru. Despite all this, Sasori had still managed to tolerate Deidara, though he was almost twenty years younger than him.

"If it's one thing I can't stand," Sasori had said to Deidara on the blonde's first day, "it's prodigies who think they're better than everyone else." Deidara had laughed.

"If there's one thing I can't stand," Deidara had replied, "it's someone who doesn't give another person a chance." From then on it had sort of been a tolerance, neither really liking the fact the other was there. But Deidara made a point of asking Sasori's opinion for things, and had eventually earned the redhead's trust.

Orochimaru cleared his throat. "Top of the first piece," he ordered. Tiredly, the musicians began at the top of their first piece.

* * *

Deidara wasn't a slut. Sure, he was often the one reduced to begging, but not exactly of his free will. If anyone was the slut, it had to be Hidan. Though a natural seme, he knew exactly what to do to get his uke, be it Deidara, Itachi, or both simultaneously, he know what to touch, where to lick, and what to say to get them moaning helplessly under him. He knew not to say dirty things to Itachi (that often resulted in a slap, death threat, and having nothing but Deidara for three weeks) and just what tones to speak in to Deidara. It was a typical thing for Hidan to work Deidara's synaestesia to his sexual advantage, and to be one of the only ones to make the stoic Uchiha blush. But Deidara had far less self control than Itachi. So when Hidan wanted to have sex his way, it made sense that he would tackle Deidara first. And Hidan didn't play fair.

Deidara had set down his violin, and then found himself on the ground with Hidan on top of him. He had but time to mutter a single syllable before his mouth was engaged in other activities. And Deidara really didn't mind, Mozart always made him horny anyway. Hidan locked their mouths and plunged their tongues together, grabbing Deidara's wrists and pinning them above his head. As they broke for air, Hidan nibbled at Deidara's lips before moving to breath into his ear. "Indulge me?" He knew the gravelly, baritone voice would get him a physical assent. Deidara simply closed his eyes, bucking his hips against Hidan's. Hidan chuckled, licking slowly, lightly, at Deidara's jaw. Itachi came from the kitchen then, knowing full well what was going on. He dropped to Deidara's other side, pushing Hidan aside to give Deidara a sweet kiss. After a moment, Hidan would have none of that, biting down on Deidara's ear. "Should we continue this in the bedroom?" he asked silkily, a hand sliding down Deidara's waist temptingly. Deidara nodded breathlessly, and Itachi had to agree, the thought of Deidara right then was almost overpowering.

Hidan got off Deidara and hoisted the blond to his feet, kissing him savagely as Itachi was left to stand on his own, trailing after his two lovers. Hidan threw Deidara on the bed and resumed making out. They stopped once Itachi entered the room. Hidan sat back, allowing Deidara to catch his breath as Itachi climbed onto the bed. Hidan then drew Deidara up, sliding his hands smoothly up Deidara's firm chest and tweaking the blonde's nipples. Deidara moaned as Itachi's hands joined Hidan's, and his shirt was soon tossed aside. Hidan spread his legs, Deidara nestled comfortable between them. Itachi promptly took advantage of Deidara's unoccupied mouth, kissing him softly while cupping his cheek. Hidan suckled and bit at Deidara's neck, and the blond let his eyes shut and moans pass his lips at will. Itachi trailed his soft kisses down the front of Deidara's neck to his collarbone, while Hidan slipped a hand down Deidara's abdomen. Deidara cried out and arched into Itachi's hand, trying to get him to touch that swelling flesh between his legs. Hidan, smirking against Deidara's neck as he began to slide his hand back up. Deidara moaned, pressing up against Itachi in search of Hidan's hand. Itachi had lowered his mouth to Deidara's left nipple, and likewise lowered his hand to Deidara's crotch. Hidan sighed, wanting to have his fun with teasing Deidara.

Deidara moaned breathily, arching beautifully into Itachi's hand. Deidara pressed his fingertips (his nails were cut short because of his playing) into Hidan's knees as Itachi played with his nipple, rubbed his crotch, and Hidan bit at his neck. But when Itachi removed his hand, he cracked his eyes open. Itachi smiled at him and kissed his cheek as he unzipped Deidara's fly. Hidan saw his opening and forced his hands inside Deidara's pants, pulling down the blonde's boxers and grabbing Deidara's length while Itachi was busy pulling Deidara's pants off. Deidara cried out, arching his back, pressing his shoulders into Hidan's chest. Hidan removed his hand, choosing instead to whisper darkly into Deidara's ear. "Do you think we're ready?" he asked. Deidara nodded, panting. Hidan slid out from under Deidara, leaving the naked blonde to recover while he turned to Itachi, smirking. "Deidara thinks we're ready."

"Sort of hard not to hear, you being less than a foot away from me and all," Itachi replied smoothly. They looked at each other over Deidara's panting body, sizing each other up, a battle of dominance over their willing uke. Hidan, using his height, loomed over Itachi, grabbing the Uchiha's shoulders and forcing their mouths together. Itachi kept his mouth closed, not allowing Hidan's probing tongue inside. Hidan chuckled. He was used to Itachi's frigidness, and knew how to get the Uchiha to let go of his dignity. Using all his grace and charm (or the lack thereof) Hidan slid his hand around Itachi's neck, to where it joined his shoulder at the back. Using his nimble fingers, he pressed small circles into Itachi's creamy skin, rubbing the spot. Itachi gasped, and Hidan slid his tongue into his mouth. Itachi finally melted, climbing over Deidara to press up against Hidan and wrap his arms around the silver-haired man's neck. Hidan kissed him passionately, sliding his hands under Itachi's shirt, rubbing his thumbs slowly over his porcelain skin. But soon, Hidan cracked and stripped Itachi of his shirt and pulled him back, throwing him on the bed and ravishing his neck and chest. Itachi gasped at the sudden change, and found himself moaning before he could stop himself. Hidan smirked, biting on Itachi's nipples. Deidara rested his head on his arms, content to watch for now. Besides, the sounds of Itachi's moans were enough to make him turn over with arousal.

Hidan crushed their mouths together, hands busily getting Itachi's pants and boxers off. Soon he had his black-haired lover nude and aroused. It was then Deidara decided he was being neglected, and wormed his way over to Hidan and Itachi. Hidan turned to him, smirked, and tackled him, ending up on top of him with the blonde on his stomach. Hidan looked back at Itachi, and smirked, crawling off of Deidara. "How about you take him first," he said, "to prepare him for the pounding I'm going to give him." Itachi wrinkled his nose, what Hidan said being just on his border of 'dirty talk'. But, Deidara being on all fours, looking at him so pleadingly, he couldn't really refuse right now. Giving Deidara one last, soft kiss before moving behind the blonde. Hidan smirked, moving in front of Deidara on his knees, his erection sliding across Deidara's cheek. Itachi paused, watching Deidara open his mouth and take just the mushroom head into his mouth. He felt his own erection give a painful twitch, and began sucking on his own fingers as Deidara took more of Hidan's length into his mouth. Hidan let out a guttural groan, grabbing handfuls of Deidara's hair and forcing the blonde's head further onto himself. Itachi reached down, eyes still glued to his two lovers, and rubbed around Deidara's ring. Deidara twitched, letting out a small squeak of surprise, not pain. Itachi inserted the finger and wormed it around, twisting it around. Once Deidara was pushing his hips back to meet Itachi's finger, Itachi inserted a second. Deidara moaned, making Hidan moan at the vibrations in his cock. Itachi leaned a little over Deidara, letting the head of his cock rub against Deidara's balls as he continued to scissor his fingers. Deidara jerked his hips back, and Itachi added a third finger. He moved all three in different directions, moving them in and out faster and faster as he rubbed their cocks together harder. Deidara moaned, Hidan groaning in turn and pushing Deidara's head down harder. Itachi slid his fingers out and spit on his palm, rubbing his hand on his penis before pressing the head to Deidara's entrance. Deidara pushed back at the same time Itachi pushed forward, and both groaned at the sensation, Deidara giving more of a whimper. Itachi leaned forward, wrapping a hand around Deidara's arousal. Deidara moaned, sucking harder and faster on Hidan's length. After a moment or two, Itachi let go of Deidara and pulled back halfway, sliding in with a wet sound. He then pushed back in, a little faster. Deidara groaned, sounding slightly frustrated. Itachi pulled all the way back, and shoved back in, starting up a medium-fast pace. Deidara pushed back on every thrust, removing his mouth a moment to cry out as Itachi found his prostate. Hidan growled, grabbing Deidara's hair and shoving his kiss-swollen lips back onto his member.

Itachi groaned, feeling heat pool in his groin. He could tell Hidan felt the same by the desperate way the silver-haired man was grabbing Deidara's hair. Itachi groaned as he felt Deidara tighten around him, and he leaned forward, chest pressing against Deidara's back. He grabbed Deidara, not wanting to be the first to come. It didn't take long. Two pumps later Deidara pulled his mouth from Hidan and cried aloud as he came, his walls clamping around Itachi. Itachi moaned, and almost as soon as Deidara's orgasm passed he shoved harshly in, spewing his liquids inside his lover. A second later Hidan threw his head back, thrusting his hips forward. He made no noise as he came, Deidara swallowing it all obediently, a slim trail dribbling down his chin. Hidan removed his flaccid member from Deidara's mouth, and Itachi did the same, allowing the blond to collapse, breathing hard. Hidan smiled lovingly down at the blond, rubbing his cheek with the back of his hand. Itachi crawled over, leaning down and licking at the line of come dripping from Deidara's red lips. Deidara chuckled weakly, smiling at his two lovers. Finally all three of them caught their breath, and Hidan sat up. He took Deidara's hand and wrapped the long, lithe fingers around his member. Deidara got the idea and began pumping. He worked his fingers around the head, using his other to cup Hidan's testicles. Hidan gasped, grabbing a handful of sheets as Deidara continued to fist him. Under Deidara's skilled ministrations his member grew once more. Finally, though, he stopped Deidara and turned the blonde, so that his rear faced Hidan and his head faced Itachi. Itachi waited, not wanting to overwhelm Deidara by entering him at the same time Hidan did. But Hidan wanted to get his teasing done. He leaned over Deidara, chest pressed to the blonde's back. He let his cock slide lazily between Deidara's cheeks, rubbing against his tightening testicles.

"Do you want me?" Hidan purred smoothly. "Do you want me inside of you?" Deidara whimpered, lowering his head so that his blonde locks fell over his face. He gave a barely perceptible nod. Hidan smirked, grinding harder. "Why don't you tell me, then?" Deidara gulped thickly.

"Yes, un," he moaned, arching his back and thrusting his hips towards Hidan. Hidan smirked, grabbing the blonde's hips, holding him in place as he thrust deep into his tight heat. Deidara cried out, hair flying about, and luckily Hidan had the sense to wait for Deidara to adjust. Deidara, after a minute, wiggled a bit, having gotten used to Hidan's thickness. He looked up at Itachi and opened his mouth. Itachi got up on his knees, allowing Deidara to devour the tip of his arousal. Hidan pulled out of Deidara, slowly, and shoved brutally back in. Deidara moaned, making Itachi's knees weak. The raven haired Uchiha tangled his fingers in Deidara's golden locks, and could've keeled over when he felt one of Deidara's hands ghost over his testicles. Itachi groaned, Deidara moaning as Hidan began a harsh, fast pace. Itachi knew he couldn't last long, and wished Hidan could think of Deidara and give him some pleasure. As if on cue, Hidan managed to scrape Deidara's prostate. Deidara removed his mouth, crying out in pleasure. Hidan smirked, pounding harder into his spot. Deidara, panting, once more wrapped his lips around Itachi's length. He only lasted a few more thrusts before he came, removing his mouth again to pant and shake. With trembling lips, still recovering from his orgasm, he once more took Itachi into his mouth. Itachi groaned, coming a few licks and sucks later deep into the back of Deidara's throat. Hidan grabbed Deidara's waist as the blonde collapsed. Hidan drew back, lying down to recover from his own mind blowing orgasm. Deidara had slumped forward, his forehead resting on his bent arms. His rear was in the air as Hidan continued his pounding. Itachi watched lazily as Hidan squeezed his eyes closed, falling on top of Deidara and biting into the blonde's shoulder, coming with a long, low, groan. After a few minutes of stillness, Hidan pulled out of Deidara and lay down next to the blond. Sperm flowed from Deidara's abused hole, and Deidara curled up a little more on himself. Itachi sighed, getting up and helping Deidara off the bed. Hidan got up as well, and they pulled back the covers. Deidara crawled into the middle, Itachi on his left, Hidan on his right. And, as they all drifted off into sleep, Deidara snuggled up to Itachi.

* * *

Deidara stood, back to the train, as he looked at his two lovers. "I'll call ever night, ok?" he said. Itachi sighed.

"If you get the job, you'll be making a lot more trips like this, won't you?" Hidan demanded.

"Yup. But think of the money! We could get a nicer place, not have to live in such a sketchy place, un." Deidara sighed. "I'll only be gone a week, yeah. No big deal, un?" Hidan drew Deidara into an embrace, and Itachi joined in, everyone wanting to stay like that forever. But, eventually, they separated, and Deidara boarded the train. He stared out the window as his two lovers disappeared behind him. "I miss you two already," he whispered.

* * *

Deidara sighed, munching on a piece of toast as he got off the bus. Glancing around, he found himself in a familiar setting. A large building, built to capture sound. Impressive by anyone's standards, but Deidara had played and conducted in the best of them, and this was nothing special. He found his way to the practice room, finding the symphony already set up. Groaning, and finishing his toast at the same time (not an easy feat), Deidara knew he was late. Everyone had already started practicing random sections of Mahler's 8th symphony. The choir, standing at the back, was looking quite hassled, while the brass and timpani looked about ready to start a revolution together and overtake the strings. The first violin section was oblivious to the death glares they were receiving from the second violins, and ironically enough, the viola section looked like they all had hangovers. Deidara sighed, picking up the megaphone by his podium. Turning it on, he aimed it at the choir.

"If you're in the choir, you can now hear me. If you're in the string section, you're now deaf, un," he said. A few violists looked sick. Deidara turned off the megaphone. "My name is Deidara-san." A few people snickered. "I can't help I'm Japanese, yeah," he muttered. "Anyway, let's take it from the top, un."

An hour later, Deidara stopped the symphony for what felt like the millionth time. "Can anyone tell me what went wrong, yeah?" he asked.

"We're not in middle school, Deidara-san," a violinist complained. Deidara looked down at his roster.

"And I suppose you knew exactly what went wrong, Kiba, un?" he asked. "Here, stand up, un. Take the megaphone, and tell everyone exactly what went wrong, yeah."

"The brass was early."

"Nope."

"The violas were syncopated."

"Don't think so, un. It's in the string section, though." Kiba sighed.

"The second violins were flat."

"Believe me, I would know if they were, un. Try first violin section, yeah." Kiba fumed.

"What, then, oh omnipotent Lord-"

"I won't have you quoting Handel when we're playing Mahler. Please, Kiba, I believe you know what went wrong, yeah." Kiba glared, face turning red.

"I was flat," he whispered. Deidara smiled.

"I don't think the choir heard you, un."

"I was flat," Kiba said into the microphone. Deidara smiled.

"Is your instrument tuned, yeah?" he asked mockingly.

"Of course my instrument is tuned!" Kiba growled. Deidara sighed.

"So play it right next time, and if you're the one that made a mistake, don't talk back to the conductor." Kiba sat down. "Ok, let's try this again, un."

* * *

Deidara sighed, collapsing down on his bed. As soon as he had situated himself, however, his cell phone rang. Groaning, he picked it up and checked caller ID. He answered it. "Hai, Pein-sama, un?"

"Deidara?"

"Hai."

"Good. How did you like the symphony?" Deidara sighed again.

"Can I be honest with you, yeah?"

"I don't see why not. I highly value the opinion of a musician of your caliber."

"They're competitive and immature, yeah. The first violins won't take instructions because they think they're the best, the second violins overdo everything because they want to 'beat' the first violins, un." Pein was silent for a long moment.

"I suppose they don't stand out to you in any way, then?"

"Nope, un."

"So you've seen this all before?"

"Yeah…"

"How long have you been conducting?"

"Since I was six, un."

"Really?" Pein sounded amazed for the first time.

"It's on my wikipedia, un," Deidara mumbled. It wasn't a time he liked to remember. Beethoven's fifth wasn't a difficult piece to conduct, but still, when he had turned around and taken his bow it would've been nice to see his mom.

"I see. So how many years is that?"

"Off and on for about… thirteen years, yeah."

"Ah. Well, then, there's a music seminar I'm supposed to give, but since you know so much about conducting, you can teach it."

"What, un?"

"You're going to teach a music seminar. I'll e-mail you the details, don't worry."

"Fine, yeah."

"Is this something you've done before?"

"A few times when I was in college, yeah."

"Oh. I see. Well then, I'll see you on Sunday, when I get back."

"Yup. Bye, un."

"Bye." Deidara hung up and sighed. He hated giving seminars. All through college he had been asked to do them, and every time he got no respect because he was younger than all the students. The musicians had been around prodigies so much they eventually developed a distaste for them. Or you could call it a bitter resentment. So Deidara had got himself signed up for another one. But he still had one call to make to his sanity.

* * *

"Deidara! Oh my God, it's hell here without you! Itachi refuses to let me bang him!" Deidara laughed maniacally at Hidan's distressed tone. "Deidara, this isn't funny!" Deidara sighed, leaning back on the bed.

"What did you do to him, yeah?"

"He decided it would be a good idea to take up reading 'Icha Icha'." Deidara laughed at Itachi's serious tone.

"Aw, Ita-kun, you know he was only getting ideas, un." Itachi huffed.

"I tried telling him that," Hidan said, "but he won't listen." Deidara laughed.

"But Hidan, when you say it, you sound perverted, un."

"So how's the orchestra going?" Itachi cut in.

"All right, but he roped me into doing a music seminar, un."

"Oh, well, good luck on that."

"Thanks, un. Have you gotten that coat, yeah?"

"Not so well."

"Tough break, yeah. How about that garbage boy you scared the shit out of, Hidan?" Hidan laughed.

"I'm still having a lot of fun with him," Hidan said. "I wonder when he'll quit."

"That's mean," Itachi said. "Anyway, I miss you already, and Hidan does too."

"Of course I do! Itachi's denying me sex!" Deidara wrinkled his nose.

"Is that all you care about, yeah?"

"No…"

"Whatever. I need to get going. Bye."

"Bye. Have fun."

"Will do."


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

A/N: Explanations: you NEED an A to tune. Except if you have perfect pitch or, in this case, synaestesia. (Deidara has both) Improvisation is a tricky little bastard. You don't just make something up on the spot, it's REALLY hard. But DeiDei is cool. And he knows Pein, he used to conduct the orchestra Dei was in. Remember? But he doesn't know him all that well. =D WhirledPeace is soooo smart, but she confuses the hell out of me! Especially with lemons: 'What does a blowjob say about someone's personality?' =DReview please!

* * *

"Thank you so much, Sasori, un!" Deidara cried over the phone. Sasori sighed.

"Don't thank me, brat. I only talked a friend of mine into letting you borrow his motorcycle."

"I used to ride one of these things all the time, un!" Deidara cried, looking the bike over. "This sure beats taking the bus. Thank you so much, un!"

Deidara straddled the bike, revving it. He smirked. This was what he was made for.

* * *

Deidara sighed. Taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open and walked into the classroom, trying to act casual and businesslike at the same time. Everyone stared. Mentally slapping himself, Deidara sat down in his chair, looking at the musicians. "I'm not late, un," he said. "The conductor is never late, the orchestra is just early."

"We're not an orchestra," said some annoying kid in the front row. Deidara looked at him.

"So what would you call yourself? A bratty violinist, un?" Deidara retorted. He gained a few snickers, but not much else. He began to open his violin case, when something very odd happened. The bratty violinist began speaking Japanese.

"You're Japanese, right?" he asked. Deidara paused, looking at him. He had mismatching eyes and messy black hair, and the largest grin Deidara had ever seen.

"No," Deidara replied in Japanese. The kid giggled. "But since you know Japanese, I'll be able to threaten you exclusively, so thank you for alerting me to your special knowledge, un." The kid's face fell. "How old are you, anyway?"

"Twenty-two." Damn, Deidara thought, he's older than me. Sighing, Deidara turned to the rest of the group. He had finally located his roster. Pein had sort of lied. Deidara was lecturing a college class, not giving a seminar. Slightly better, because it was a little smaller, but slightly worse, because the students already felt united against him.

"Tobi has just informed me that his IQ level is lower than a walnut, un," Deidara explained to the class. Tobi giggled. "But anyway, I'm here to give a lecture on being a professional musician, yeah?"

"Yup!" Tobi cried happily. Deidara looked at him for a moment.

"Apparently I might also have to explain the art of rhetorical questions, un," he said. This got a few more laughs. "All right. How many of you started music because of your parents, un?" Everyone raised their hands. "How many of you started out on piano, yeah?" A few violinists put their hands down, but for the most part the hands stayed up. "I see. How many of you chose your second instrument, hmm?" All the hands went down. Deidara laughed. "So why are you all here, un? Did your parents just guess right, and you really do enjoy music, yeah?" Everyone looked around at each other.

"Tobi liked music!" Tobi cried out.

"Deidara liked duct tape, un." Tobi gulped. "Anyway," Deidara continued, "why are you interested in music, yeah? Did your parents tell you to, un? Or did you make the best of a forced situation, and accidentally fall in love, un?"

"What about you?" someone called out. Deidara looked up and shrugged.

"My mom realized I could play concertos at the age of three, and things went from there, yeah. But if you ask yourself why you love music, and truly pinpoint why you enjoy it, you'll find what kind of music you like, un."

"Why do you like music?" someone asked. Deidara sighed.

"Because it was either doing music or doing crack, yeah," Deidara replied. "Anyway, does anyone here like improvisation, yeah? It's a little like sight-reading, and a little like an in class essay, un." Deidara took out his violin and began tuning.

"Do you need an A?" Tobi asked. Deidara shook his head.

"No, un." He finished tuning. "Now, I'm going to start playing something off the top of my head, and anyone can just join in, un. Got it?"

"Anyone?" Tobi asked. Deidara nodded. "And they just join in?" Deidara sighed, getting up and rummaging around in his bag. He reappeared with a role of duct tape and quickly had Tobi's mouth shut.

"You don't need your mouth to play, un," he said. He then seated himself on the desk, looked around, and began a slow, repeating melody. No one played. Deidara just looked around, wondering if anyone was going to do anything. Suddenly, a lone bassoon joined in, beautifully in harmony with Deidara. Deidara blinked, making a mental note to compose a bassoon solo. And then there was a second violin, and Tobi had suddenly jumped in, giving a more technical and rhythmical side to the original melody. The other students were amazed at the sound, and just stared, ears and brains telling them not to jump in in case they messed it up.

Finally the song drew to a close, and Deidara lowered his violin. "You all get A's, un," he said. "Who's bassoon-san, un?" Slowly, a tanned, scarred hand was raised. Deidara squinted to get a better look. "What's your name, hmm?"

"Kakuzu," said the bassoonist. Deidara faltered slightly. That voice, so deep and beautiful! He would need to get this Kakuzu to talk more.

"You're pretty good at improvisation, un. Do you do solos often?" Kakuzu shook his head. "Oh? What about Franz Danzi?"

"Once," Kakuzu replied. Deidara sighed. So like him to fall in love with the introvert's voice. He cleared his throat.

"Right. Well, did anybody learn something from that, un?" Tobi's hand shot into the air, waving obnoxiously around. Deidara sighed. "Yes, Tobi?" Tobi mumbled something against the duct tape. "Take the tape off, un." Tobi ripped it off and didn't even writhe in pain. He simply charged on into what he had to say.

"I learned how to do improvisation!" he cried happily. Deidara frowned slightly, but let it go.

"Good for you. Did anyone else learn something, un?" No one said anything. Deidara sighed. "Fine, I'll lecture you on it, yeah. We weren't following anyone's rules, there were no markings or anything for us to follow. Improvisation is a much freer kind of music, and it's more relaxing not having to do what a conductor or piece of paper says, yeah." Deidara looked around. "How old are you all, un? Twenty? Twenty-one?" They all nodded, sort of. "You're all living the free college life, un. You should make up your own things, not what someone tells you, un. You've had your education, why not use it, un?"

"What about you?" Tobi asked excitedly. Deidara looked at him.

"What, un?"

"Did you write anything when you were living the free college life?"

"I was living the college life, un, not the free one."

"Did you write anything?" Deidara sighed. This wasn't about him, it was about the stupid students.

"Yes. I wrote twenty orchestral and symphony pieces, yeah."

"I really like your quartet, though," Tobi admitted. Deidara sighed.

"Which one, un?"

"Oh, I like all of them, but that 'Quartet of a Million Shards' in D minor." Deidara raised an eyebrow. That hit a bit close to home.

"Have you ever played it, un?"

"Only like a million times!" Tobi cried excitedly.

"I see."

"When did you write it?"

"Um… can't you just look it up on wikipedia, un?"

"I want to hear it from you."

"Then talk to me after class, un. Anyway, to get on with it…"

* * *

Deidara stood, watching the students leave, talking excitedly about the lecture he had just delivered. As he expected, Tobi stayed after, standing happily over Deidara. But also the bassoonist was staying. Deidara shrugged it off.

"So what do you want to know about it, un?"

"I found it so much more moving than your other pieces. I mean, they're all amazing, but this one was so real! I cried the first time I heard it!"

"Good, I cried writing it, hmm," Deidara replied.

"Why did you write it?" Tobi asked. Deidara sat on the desk, crossing his legs.

"A very good friend of mine died, un," he answered.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Tobi said sympathetically. Deidara shrugged.

"It was a while ago, un. No worries."

"What happened, if I can ask?" Tobi asked.

"Car accident, un. I heard it snapped his neck, so it didn't hurt him, yeah." Deidara glanced at Kakuzu. "Did you want something, yeah?"

"I wanted to hear the story behind the quartet," he replied with a shrug.

"I did read your wikipedia," Tobi admitted. "Is it true you have synaesthesia?" Deidara nodded.

"It's usually kind of nice," he said, "but sometimes it's a pain, un."

"But it makes your music so realistic!" Tobi cried.

"What do you think?" Deidara asked Kakuzu. Kakuzu shrugged.

"I've only played one of your symphonies."

"Oh? I should write more for bassoon, un." Kakuzu shrugged. Deidara sighed. There had to be some way to get Kakuzu out of his shell. That voice was too good to pass up. "How long have you been playing, hmm?"

"Since I was twelve."

"Ah. What got you interested?"

"Better to be into music than gangs."

"So true, un," Deidara said, smiling lightly. "Of course, I still got in deep shit, but whatever, yeah." Deidara chuckled slightly.

"Can I call you Sempai?" Tobi asked suddenly. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, un," he said. Secretly he was tickled pink, but he wouldn't give Tobi the satisfaction of knowing that.

"Thank you so much, Sempai! I hope to see you again soon!" Tobi waved as he left, slamming the door happily behind himself. Deidara looked at Kakuzu.

"He's not an abuse victim, is he, un?" he asked. Kakuzu shrugged.

"No one knows. He has amnesia, and all he could remember was how to play the violin," Kakuzu replied.

"Seems happy enough."

"He really likes music."

"Do you need a ride, un?" Deidara asked. "I can give you a lift if you want, yeah."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I borrowed a set of wheels, and it sure beats public transportation, un." Deidara grabbed his violin case. "Come on, it'll be fun, yeah." Deidara headed for the door. "There's something manic about driving around L.A., un. Where do you need to go, yeah?"

"Nowhere in a hurry." Deidara turned, walking backwards and grinning like a cat.

"Good. I need to pick something up at my hotel anyway, un," Deidara said. Kakuzu slowly followed him from the classroom. Deidara sighed. "Stop acting like I'm a pedophile teacher, un. You're older than me." Deidara stuck out his tongue. Kakuzu remained silent. Deidara rolled his eyes. "Come on, I just offered you a ride, un!"

"Fine." Deidara sighed. He was going to have to get Kakuzu to open up, or else he would loose that voice forever.

"You're not much of a talker, yeah."

"I say what I need to." Deidara felt like strangling a cute furry animal as they started down the hall. "But I can tell you're talkative."

"Wow, such genius," Deidara said sarcastically. "Isn't there anything you like talking about, un?"

"Not really."

"How about music, yeah?"

"I play music, I don't talk about it."

"Why act like you have a stick up your ass, yeah?" Deidara sighed. Kakuzu huffed.

"I don't like to talk about it." Deidara rolled his eyes, grinning.

"I could've guessed, yeah. Whatever, you can still talk, right?" Kakuzu shrugged.

"Can and will aren't the same thing." Deidara snickered.

"Fine, be that way, yeah," he said. They had exited the building, and were in the parking lot. Deidara hurried over to his motorcycle, grinning. "Don't worry, I have my license, un. But I've been told I drive like a schizophrenic, suicidal maniac on crack, yeah." Deidara straddled the bike, revving it dangerously. Kakuzu shrugged.

"I bet I've seen worse," he replied, getting on behind Deidara. Deidara smirked, handing his helmet to Kakuzu.

"Hopefully you won't need that, but who knows, yeah? If I crash, you'll get the blunt of it, un." Deidara suddenly kicked off, and they were shooting down the street. Kakuzu let out a sort of squeak and grabbed Deidara. Deidara smirked, it had been too long since he had ridden a motorcycle. He swerved in and out of alleys, dodging cars and praying he didn't get arrested. "Are there any cops behind me, un?" Deidara shouted.

"Do I have to open my eyes?" Kakuzu cried back. Deidara smirked.

"Just tell me if you hear sirens, yeah! What a rush, un! Oh shit, was that a red light, yeah?" Kakuzu gripped him harder. Soon enough they were at the hotel, Deidara parking in a just barely legal spot before hopping off. "Come on, we'll just pop up and I'll drop off my violin, yeah." Deidara skipped into the lobby and over to the elevator. He punched the button and stepped back, Kakuzu coming shakily up behind him. Deidara grinned at him. "Have fun, yeah?" he asked. Kakuzu shuddered.

"You are an insane driver," he stated. Deidara grinned, hopping into the elevator.

"So? We're alive, aren't we, un?" Deidara giggled, punching a button and standing back. They rode in silence, until they reached the third story. Deidara sighed, stepping out of the elevator and walking down the hall. He had to find some way of making Kakuzu talk long enough for the voice to stick in his head. Then he would be able to sit down and right it out. He came to his hotel room door and opened it, thinking hard about what he was going to do. "Stay here, I'll be back in a sec, un," Deidara called as he walked into the kitchen. Kakuzu glanced at a sticky note Deidara had written himself. 'Call Itachi and Hidan.'

"Who are Itachi and Hidan?" he asked. Deidara gasped from the kitchen. Kakuzu stuck his head in. Deidara was bent over the counter, hair covering his face.

"Say it again, un," he whispered.

"Say what?"

"Their names, yeah."

"Itachi and Hidan." Deidara gasped, blinking rapidly. Itachi, almost, barely like a long e, t-a-h, not t-a, and a harsh c-h, and e-e. EE-tah-ch-ee. Hidan, something like HYEE-daun. And in that voice! It made Deidara want to do back flips. He stood there for a moment, engraving that voice into his mind, before he turned to Kakuzu.

"Where do you need to go, hmm?"

* * *

Deidara walked into the room, froze, and turned around. He felt a hand grab his arm, spun him around, and dragged him back into the room. "I have the wrong room, un," he tried, closing his eyes.

"Just shut up," the man hissed. Deidara recognized the voice and groaned.

"Don't do this to me, yeah," he pleaded. Pein dragged him further into the room.

"Everyone, this is Deidara, as I promised," he said. Deidara glared. "Deidara, this is Madara and Konan. Deidara eyed the black haired man and the blue haired woman. The black haired man was smirking arrogantly, appraising Deidara. The blue haired woman showed no emotion whatsoever.

"So this is what you mean by 'Drop by my apartment, I have some music for you'?" Deidara snapped. He looked around at the depressing, familiar scene. A bunch of people in suites, standing around and talking, maybe holding a glass of wine. He had been going to stupid parties like this for forever.

"Deidara, show some respect to your employers," Pein admonished. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I thought I was hired by you because you hurt your back, yeah."

"Yes, but these are my employers, in turn, your own." Deidara looked at Madara and Konan.

"So why the hell did you tell me to come here?" he asked. Madara cleared his throat.

"We were talking about our next great project. Pein was telling me you don't think much of his symphony, and suggested we hire you for this mission." Deidara blinked at Madara. Great. Maybe he shouldn't have been so loud about that average symphony. Now they were trying to impress him.

"So what is it, yeah?" Deidara asked lazily.

"We want to put together another symphony." Deidara gritted his teeth. He was not about to put together a symphony in L.A.! Damn it, he had to go home and relieve Hidan's sexual tension in a few days! Pein sensed Deidara's agitation. "But this one is going to be different."

"How in God's name is it going to be different, un?" Deidara asked.

"You're going to direct it."

"And this one is going to be different, as oppose to the others I direct, because…?"

"We're giving you free range with it. Whatever you want, whoever you want, it's yours." Deidara blinked.

"You want me to put together a symphony and do whatever I want with it, un?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Well I-" Pein stomped on his foot.

"Excuse us a minute," he said, grabbing Deidara's arm and pulling him to the other side of the room. He glared at the blond. "What the hell are you doing?" he hissed.

"Turning down their stupid offer, yeah," Deidara replied.

"It wasn't an offer." Deidara stared at Pein.

"You stupid bastard. I can't believe you set me up, un!" Deidara crossed his arms over his chest. Pein glared down at him.

"They've been wanting to get you for the longest time," he admitted. "They've had their eyes on you since you were twelve."

"So why not ask me then, yeah?"

"Because they would've had to deal with your mother while you were still a minor. Let's just say they aren't on the best terms with her." Deidara paused, looking at Pein. They stayed still for a long moment, before Deidara sighed.

"Fine, yeah. I'll do it, un."

* * *

Deidara was sitting on his bed with a takeout container in front of him. And he was on the phone. Back home, Hidan and Itachi were sitting at a table, likewise eating, and with a phone on the table. "So they roped me into doing this stupid symphony, yeah," Deidara said. "It's supposed to be this new thing and all, but I've seen this crap before, yeah."

"So what's this going to mean?" Hidan demanded. "Are you going to leave home more?"

"We'll see, yeah. I'd like to start it up home, not down here, un."

"But isn't this an opportunity to do what you want?" Itachi asked. Deidara sighed.

"Musicians are always musicians, un. This'll be another bug on my stupid windshield." Deidara sighed. "But how are you two?"

"Itachi is still refusing sex," Hidan said unhappily. Deidara giggled.

"Don't worry, I'll be home in a few days, un," he said.

"You don't do phone sex?"

"You can do phone masturbating, un," Deidara replied. "Be thankful enough I'll indulge you so often, yeah. Anything interesting happen at work, Itachi?"

"No, that's sort of the problem. We're still selling great on the jean line, but we need to come up with something expensive, and fast."

"Oh dear, yeah. I hope you get something, hmm."

"Thanks."

"I met someone interesting, yeah," Deidara said.

"Oh?"

"Don't get jealous on me, un. He had this amazing voice, un! It was low and grumbly, but his ponounciation, my God!" Deidara sighed. "The way he said your names just made my toes curl, un."

"Now that is something only you can understand," Hidan said. "There wouldn't be any way of me imitating him, now would there?"

"Double your lung size and maybe, yeah," Deidara replied. "Anyway, has anything else interesting happened, hmm?"

"Sasuke got a boyfriend."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, a little blond thing with a ton of energy." Deidara sighed.

"That one?"

"What do you mean?" Itachi asked suspiciously.

"That's his roommate, he came to pick him up that day, un."

"I see."

"Anything else, yeah?"

"Nope, but when you get back I'll be a bit blue-"

"Anything of interest, yeah?"

"Oh, that was a low blow!"

"Actually, nothing has really happened, you've only been gone a few days. Talk to you tomorrow night?"

"Yup, un. Bye!"

"Bye."

* * *

Deidara lay on his bed, eyes closed. 'Itachi and Hidan…' Kakuzu's voice was playing over and over again, making him want his lovers more and more. He turned over, curling up on himself. 'Itachi and Hidan…' Deidara groaned, eyes squinting harder. Oh God, how he wanted them in him! Deidara fell asleep, still thinking of his two lovers. Many, many miles away, two lovers did the same.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Ok, I've been admonished. WhirledPeace helps a little more than a ton. She helps worlds. =D Better? LEMON!!

* * *

Deidara yawned, stepping off the train. Hidan was waiting for him excitedly. Deidara was instantly leapt upon. "I'm so glad to see you!"

"Where's Itachi, yeah?"

"He's at work. It's just us two, today," Hidan breathed huskily in Deidara's ear. Deidara pulled out of his arms, smirking slightly.

"Really? Good, I'll be able to get some work done, un," he said. Hidan glared, chasing after him. Deidara skipped up the stairs, sticking his tongue out at Hidan. Hidan chased after him.

"But you promised!" he called. Deidara giggled.

"But you're at my mercy, yeah!" Deidara turned around once he reached the surface and started walking down the street, waiting for Hidan to catch up. He did, and grabbed Deidara around the waist, pulling their bodied together.

"But I know you want it," Hidan breathed. "You want me so bad, you just had to run home." Deidara didn't say anything. Hidan released him, grabbing his hand and pulling him the rest of the way home. But once they came to the building, they stopped. A certain silver-haired stalker was standing outside the building. Deidara growled. Kakashi turned to them, smiling.

"Ah, I was just looking for you," he said.

"What do you want, you bastard?" Deidara demanded.

"Just a word, if you don't mind," he said.

"What?" Hidan asked.

"A word with Blondie alone, if you don't mind," he said, gesturing to the alley beside the apartment building. Deidara flipped his hair over his shoulder, glancing at Hidan.

"You think I'd let you-" Hidan started, glaring at Kakashi. Deidara rolled his eyes and stepped up to Kakashi, the older man towering at least a head above him.

"If you want to take your chances, un," Deidara said. Kakashi smirked, walking to the mouth of the alley, Deidara right behind him. Hidan sighed, leaning against a wall and hoping Deidara wouldn't do anything stupid and get himself beat up.

"So what do you want, yeah?" Deidara asked. Kakashi turned to Deidara, looming over him. Deidara's hand twitched.

"I could be worlds better for Itachi," he stated. "Don't you think so?" Deidara smirked.

"You know what I hate? I hate guys who get tired of masturbating, and pounce on any available man, yeah." Kakashi glared at him.

"But I wouldn't sleep with his brother."

"Funny, but neither would I. See? We have so much in common, yeah! Anyway, if Itachi even had a minute amount of feelings for you, Hidan could just stop gelling his hair, un."

"You little whore," Kakashi growled. Deidara yawned.

"Please, if you want to insult me, be original, un." Kakashi pulled back, almost succeeding in hitting Deidara square on. Ominously, however, Deidara caught his fist, grinning evilly. "You know, it's been too long since I had a good fight, un…"

Hidan, who had been standing with Deidara's suitcase and violin, promptly set them down. A gorgeous woman, dressed sexily but not in a sluttish manner. She smiled at Hidan, taking a step closer to him. "Hi," she said friendlily. "I'm a bit lost. Can you point me in the direction of 19th street?" Hidan raised a single eyebrow.

"Well, for starters, it's right between 18th and 20th." The woman laughed.

"You're funny, hon," she said, stepping closer and going into full flirt mode. "No, but seriously, I'm visiting and I have no clue where I am!"

"If you're visiting, shouldn't you know it's San Francisco?" The woman laughed again. Hidan sighed. He just had to look straight. He just had to look like one of the guys who uses women like tissues. Itachi looked gay, and accidentally attracted gay men. That was worse than Deidara, who looked like a girl and attracted the straight men. But still, this woman should just beat it. The woman stepped closer.

"I hear there are a lot of gangs around," she said conversationally. Hidan shrugged, leaning against the wall. "Well, to tell you the truth, I'm a bit scared of walking around on my own. I'm kind of scared someone might mug me."

"Where did you say you were visiting from?" he asked.

"I didn't. But anyway, it can't be too far, and you don't look too busy, so if it weren't too much trouble…?" Hidan looked down at her.

"I'm waiting for my boyfriend," he said.

"He won't find out."

"No, I'm waiting for my boyfriend to finish mugging someone." The woman sighed.

"So you can't be spared?" she asked, leaning closer. Hidan shook his head.

"Nope. I'm watching for cops." The woman sighed. "Oh, but if you stick around, he might feel like mugging you too, if you're up for it." The woman didn't leave.

"You sure you wouldn't like to take a little walk with me?" she asked. "Please, I'm so confused in this new city." She leaned closer, her red eyes looking cutely up at him, brown-black hair framing her pale, gorgeous face. Her painted lips were close to his own, close enough to feel her breath. Deidara walked out of the alley, glanced at the pair, picked up his violin, and began walking.

"If you want sex, you'd better hurry up before I get in the shower, un!" he called over his shoulder. Kakashi, face bloodied and bruised, ran after Deidara.

"Look, he's almost kissing that woman!" he cried. Deidara glanced at him. "Aren't you going to do anything?"

"I don't feel like rescuing him, un," Deidara replied. "Don't come around here anymore, or I'll give you a worse beating, un." Kakashi stepped back. He hadn't expected a man who looked so much like a woman to be able to pack a punch, but Deidara had proved him wrong.

Hidan looked around, finding himself trapped by the woman. Jeez, he needed to get home right now! "Stalker-san!" He called. Kakashi walked back. "Meet the Conquistador of Personal Space! You two would make a perfect couple." Hidan pushed the woman into Kakashi and picked up Deidara's suitcase, running after his blond. Kurenai glared at Kakashi.

"All that, and you got beat up?" she asked. Kakashi sighed.

"You haven't got a tissue on you, by any chance?"

* * *

Hidan paused, fumbling with the locks until he remembered the door was unlocked and burst into the apartment. He looked around, and heard the sound of running water. Smirking, he made his way to the bedroom, setting down Deidara's suitcase. He ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes as he imagined a wet, slippery Deidara waiting for him. That thought made him run out of the room and into the bathroom. Deidara's clothes were folded neatly on the toilet seat, and he was already in the shower. Hidan closed the door, smirking as he stripped his shirt off. His pants and underwear followed. He then, after a small pause, pulled the shower curtain back and stepped into the shower behind Deidara. Deidara turned around, looking at Hidan. "Ever hear of knocking, un?" he demanded. Hidan said nothing, simply dragging Deidara to his chest and hugging him fiercely.

"I want you, need you," Hidan whispered darkly into Deidara's ear. "I want so badly to be inside you, your tight heat, all around me…" Deidara whimpered. Hidan loved having Deidara to himself, he had more freedom. He could talk any way he wanted to, and Deidara would just moan and beg, not hit him and withhold. Their slick bodies, pressed together so wetly, made Hidan excited, his manhood growing between them. "You make me so hard," Hidan whispered. Deidara moaned, his own penis coming to life. Hidan smirked, kissing Deidara fiercely and crashing the blond against the wall of the shower. Deidara moaned as their members clashed, lips battling, tongues massaging and writhing. Hidan's hands pinched at Deidara's nipples, chest and hips trapping the blond beneath him against the wall. Hidan moved his mouth to bite and suck at Deidara's neck, Deidara eliciting the most delicious sounds, grasping at Hidan's hair. Hidan twisted his nose, reaching up and removing Deidara's hands from his hair, smirking up at the blond as he began sucking on Deidara's nipples, bucking their hips together.

Hidan stepped back, kissing Deidara hard before pushing the blond to his knees. "Indulge me?" he said huskily. Deidara willingly wrapped his arms around Hidan's waist, taking just the tip of his erection into his mouth. Hidan groaned, bucking his hips. Deidara gagged momentarily, glaring up at Hidan. "Do you want it or not?" he demanded. Hidan rolled his eyes.

"Don't tease, Blondie," he growled. Deidara sighed.

"Say please?"

"Please." It wasn't a plead. It was a command. Deidara took Hidan's length back into his mouth, sucking hard. Hidan gasped and groaned, grabbing Deidara's hair and thrusting his hips forward. Deidara deep throated Hidan, sucking harder and harder, swallowing around the tip. Hidan groaned, throwing his head back. Finally, though, he pulled Deidara away from his manhood, urging the blond to his feet. He then smashed their mouths together, pressing Deidara against the wall. When they broke for air, Deidara's face was covered in a blush, lips kiss swollen and breathing hard. Hidan smirked at him, grabbing the blonde's thigh and wrapping it around his waist. "Are you ready?" he breathed. Deidara gave a nod, and Hidan inserted two of his fingers into the blonde's tight heat. Deidara whimpered at the intrusion, wrapping his arms around Hidan's neck and burying his nose in the crook of the silver haired man's neck. Hidan stretched for another moment or so, then removed his fingers and grabbed Deidara's other leg, wrapping it likewise around himself. He then, with Deidara in position, pushed the blonde down onto his erect member. Deidara whimpered, grabbing Hidan harder. Hidan, holding Deidara up, let the blond adjust for a moment, before lifting Deidara up and slamming him back down. Deidara cried out, eyes closed. After a moment, Hidan pulled back and slammed their bodies together again, Deidara letting out a moan of pleasure. Hidan smirked, glad he could finally have his fun, and began a fast pace, Deidara moaning uncontrollably. Miraculously, Hidan hit Deidara's prostate enough to send them both over the edge, Deidara spilling his seed between them, Hidan shooting his deep inside Deidara's walls.

After a moment of standing there and gasping for breath, Deidara slithered away from Hidan, white seed dripping down between his thighs. Hidan smirked, grabbing the shampoo and handing it to his boyfriend.

Deidara let his towel drop as he began to pick out some clothes. Suddenly, he was tackled onto the bed and pinned there by an equally naked body. "You didn't think I'd let you off with one orgasm, did you?" Hidan whispered arrogantly into Deidara's ear. Deidara moaned. Well, it may have been a strange welcome home, but it was purely Hidan.

* * *

Itachi sighed, closing his book. He couldn't read when he had so many pressing thoughts. Yes, it wasn't all the time Itachi had sex at the forefront of his mind, but this was an exception. He was thinking about how Hidan had sex with Deidara. Was impale-thrust-impale really all that meaningful? Deidara didn't mind, but Hidan could only get worse. It was so weird how he would just use Deidara, not even thinking of the blond. Itachi sighed. Something was going to come of this, and it wasn't going to be good.

* * *

"Ah, Sasori, my old friend. Do come on." Sasori stepped into the office, seating himself across the desk from the other man.

"Is there any particular reason for calling me here, Yondaime?" Sasori asked. The man cleared his throat.

"You know my youngest son, Gaara, correct?"

"Yes…" 'The psycho kid who murders puppies. Yup, I know him all right.'

"You see, his psychiatrist has taken him off his medication." 'Is that shrink suicidal?' Sasori wondered. "And anyway, it's been suggested that he takes up music lessons. I'd like to ask you to teach him to play the violin." Sasori coughed, eyes widening. That monster? Give that brat a wooden box and stick? No thank you.

"I'm honored by your offer," Sasori said slowly, "but as of now, I'm afraid my schedule is all booked up. I really wouldn't have the time to give him a proper education." Yondaime looked at him sternly. "But I do know someone who will. He's an excellent violinist, and has a way with children." 'Half true, but good enough. Anything to keep that thing away from me.'

"I see. Well then, tell me about this amazing violinist."

"He's about… um… well, I'd guess twenty. But he's amazing! He's been playing since he was three, and he's able to see sound, so he finds new and effective ways of helping students learn. Um, he's concert master, and conducts a ton of orchestras and symphonies-"

"That's enough. What's his name?"

"Deidara."

"Is that his family's name?"

"Um, no, that's his first name. His last name is… uh… I want to say Iwa, but I have a feeling that was something else…"

"It seems to me you don't know this Deidara very well."

"Oh no, I've asked him loads of times, but he won't tell me. But he's a really great musician." Yondaime sighed.

"Praise from you is rare. I'll give him the job. But I'm putting you in charge of arrangements." 'Fine by me, Deidara would say no if he was asked.' Sasori had the feeling he was forgetting something. He remembered Deidara telling him something about teaching, or school, or something. But whatever.

* * *

"Hello?" Itachi answered the phone, glad for something to take his mind off his two lovers.

"Hello, I need to speak with Deidara."

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Tell him it's Sasori, and it's an emergency."

"I don't think he can come to the phone right now… he's probably really tired from… his trip…"

"I don't care that he's just had his brains fucked out. Put him on the line." Itachi sighed.

"Fine." He walked down the hall to the bedroom, knocking softly on the door.

"Come in," Hidan answered. Itachi opened the door, finding them in bed, Deidara awake but just barely.

"Deidara, it's someone named Sasori. He says it's an emergency." Deidara groaned, extending a hand for the phone. Itachi walked over and handed Deidara the phone.

"The fuck are you calling for, you stupid bastard, un?" Deidara mumbled.

"Life is full of opportunities. Years from now, we may look back on opportunities and laugh, realizing that they were great opportunities rather than ballast in our lives."

"The hell did you do now?"

"What I'm about to say will seem like a burden, but it'll build character."

"Don't tell me…"

"Deidara, you're going to be a teacher!"

"I'd rather die!" Deidara wailed. "You can't make me, un!"

"Deidara, did I say I was offering? I am making you, you stupid brat." Deidara sighed.

"Whatever, un. Who am I teaching, un?"

"Yondaime's kid, Gaara."

"Oh, I know him, un. The psycho brat who almost killed a teacher, un." Deidara laughed, then suddenly grew serious. "No way in hell, un."

"You can't refuse this. You have to be the stupidest bastard alive to refuse this position. Think of the money!"

"I am a bastard, and we all know I fucking failed school, so I am the stupidest bastard alive, un! But I value my life, yeah!" Sasori was silent for a long minute.

"He'll be there at six on Tuesday's, maybe an hour, maybe half an hour. That's up to you. Bye." Sasori hung up. Deidara stared at the phone, and looked about to throw it. Itachi grabbed it from him before anything terrible happened.

"What was that all about?" he asked. Deidara groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes.

"I have a student, un."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Lessons should be half an hour, when you're starting out. Mine have lengthened to an hour and a half, but that's a different case. OH! I heard the BEST cello joke EVER: One day, the first cellist looks up at the conductor and says "Who are you?" XD WhirledPeace has abandoned me on this chapter, because a certain original story is tugging at her sleeve. And she disapproves of what I'm doing. XD oh well.

* * *

Gaara was never one for timing. He took his time where he wanted to, and damned if anyone stopped him. But a little fiasco at his first lesson would teach him to never be late again.

"Where's that student of yours?" Hidan asked, sitting down suggestively next to Deidara. Deidara shrugged, setting down his papers.

"I don't know, un."

"Do you think he'll show up soon?"

"I don't know, un."

"Ok, I'll take a chance." Hidan pushed Deidara back on the couch and promptly started making out. Deidara gasped, wrapping his arms around Hidan's head and tilting his own face for better angles.

Gaara burst into the apartment, not even bothering to knock. He just stared at the two men making out on the couch. And they didn't even stop when he entered! Finally the blonde broke away and gave him a look. "One moment please, un," he said, giving one last kiss with plenty of tongue to his lover. Then he got off the couch and smiled at Gaara. "I'm not as strict about time as Danna, but please, I get distracted easily when I'm waiting with that oaf at home, un." Hian lay out on the couch, getting ready for a good nap. "Anyway, I'm Deidara, un." Deidara held out a hand, which Gaara shook. "Right, then. We'll be having lessons in whichever room isn't occupied, un. Follow me, yeah." Deidara led Gaara to the bedroom, sitting down in an old chair, crossing his legs.

"You're disgusting," Gaara stated. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Please, Gaara-chan, if you're going to insult me, be original about it, un. And I expect you to respect my authority and not call me nasty names before we've even gotten to know each other, un."

"I-"

"No, Gaara, me, un," Deidara said. "Here, let me see your violin, un." Gaara took out the instrument and handed it over. Deidara stared, running his hands over the wood of the body. "My God… un… Do you know how old this is, un?"

"How?"

"A hundred years, un, maybe more, yeah." Deidara held the violin to the light. "Not what you'd expect for a beginner's violin, un."

"It was my mother's," Gaara stated.

"I see, un. Was she a concert violinist, un?"

"Yeah. She was."

"How sweet, un."

"Is a hundred years old for a violin?"

"For a violin? Yeah, a bit, un. If you get really old, 200 years is old, un." Gaara said nothing. "Anyway, do you know the names of the strings, un?" Gaara shook his head. "Ok, highest to lowest: E, A, D, G, un. Does that make any sense, un?" Gaara shook his head. Deidara set down the violin. "Right. Let's start from the beginning, un. Repeat after me: Do, Re, Me, Fa, So, La, Ti, Do, un." Gaara stared. Deidara sighed. "Are you going to cooperate, un?" Gaara shook his head. Deidara got up and locked the door. "Ok then. I have my methods, un. But first, a little story, yeah." Deidara seated himself again. "I'm not quite sure of the details, but some smugglers were hold up in some building, un. The police, to get them to come out, played rock and roll music nonstop. Eventually, the smugglers came out and surrendered, un. But you know what I think, un?" Deidara had an evil smile. "I think they would've surrendered ten times quicker if they had played 'Do, a Dear', un."

* * *

Half an hour later, Gaara emerged from the bedroom, eyes wide. Deidara was smiling evilly behind him. "This time next week, un!" he called after his student as the redhead hurried out of the apartment. Deidara fell to the couch laughing insanely. Hidan stared at him.

"You're horrid." Deidara looked up, still smiling.

"This is fun, un! Where would we be without musicals, un?" Deidara giggled again. "Shit, I'm probably late for something, aren't I?" Hidan shrugged.

"I don't take care of your schedule," he stated. Deidara sighed. He got up, grabbed his violin, and headed off, whistling a very recognizable tune…

__

'Do, a dear, a female dear…'

* * *

"Hey, brat, how'd that new student thing go?" Sasori asked. Deidara grinned.

"He wouldn't cooperate, un."

"Oh?"

"Nope. Wouldn't do a thing I told him to, un." Deidara's joy just seemed to grow. Sasori felt a shiver run down his spine.

"So what happened?"

"I sang, un."

"Oh. Well that's not-"

"For a half hour straight, un." Sasori blanched.

"For real?"

"Yup, un."

"Good God, he must be petrified. You can't carry a tune to save your life." Deidara smacked him playfully.

"Oh tosh, un. Anyway, I think I'm having fun, un. What was your teacher like, yeah?"

"She was a nonlinear sort of person, and that didn't work out too well. I finally found someone with enough sense not to loose things, and we clicked." Deidara chuckled.

"I had a linear-minded Russian woman with a stick, un."

"Oh?"

"I was three, and she'd whack me with the stick- or her hand, if she felt like it- if I did something wrong, un."

"Really?"

"Yeah, un. And now my arm didn't grow right because it did some crazy shit to my development, un." Deidara twisted his left arm at an awkward angle.

"That's disgusting, stop it." Deidara returned to a mortal position.

"Anyway, I like being a teacher, un." Orochimaru stepped onto the podium and cleared his throat.

"Now, let's not forget, the downbeat is at 7:00 tomorrow," he said, smiling around at everyone.

* * *

Deidara looked over his miniature symphony. As long as it was paid for, he might as well have some fun, right? Glancing down at the roster, he looked back up and made sure it was everyone he had hired. "Hi Sempai!" Oh Lord. Deidara checked the name, then looked back at his concert master.

"What the fuck are you doing here, un?" he demanded. Tobi held out a letter. Deidara tore it from his grasp and ripped it open. "Dear Deidara, I was unable to attend, so I sent along a replacement. Tobi is a student of mine, and I'm sure you'll get along well. -Sasori. That bastard!" Deidara whipped out his phone and dialed Sasori's number. "Yeah, bastard, where the fuck are you? Bullshit, un. Where the hell did you get the money to turn down a job, un? Your grandmother, yeah? She's still supporting you, un? Oh, sorry to hear that. Right, so why can't you be here, un? I see. You piece of shit, un." Deidara hung up, looking around.

"Sempai, Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi cried. "Tobi will-"

"Shut up, please," Deidara said. "It's not a matter of you being concert master in this piece, but I was rather hoping for Sasori for … never mind, un." Deidara sighed. "Right. Now, this isn't going to be an ordinary symphony, un. But you're getting paid, so don't complain, yeah. We've all played something like Hoedown, right, un?" A few nodded. "It's more of a middle school piece, but we all remember how playing baroque music after that was easy, un. Some pieces are just so different we have no choice but to learn them and study them, un. And we all remember the insane entrances, syncopation, how hard it all was, right, un?" Everyone nodded. Deidara held up a score. "Welcome back to middle school, un!"

"Sempai, what did you play in Middle School?" Tobi asked.

"Tchaikovsky's "Impossible Violion Concerto", un," Deidara replied. "Now do you want me to get the duct tape out, yeah?"

"Did you ever play any Shostakovich?"

"Yes, with the San Francisco Chamber Orchestra when I was twelve, un. Now shut up, yeah." Deidara handed out the music. "Now if you go deaf from playing this, it means you played it right, un. Let's just take a preliminary run through, yeah." And as soon as the downbeat was given, random demons escaped from hell and attempted to dance upon the earth while it rained fire and all horses lay down and had seizures, right there on the stage. Oh, right, and a bassoon decided to play along. Deidara quietly set down his baton eased himself to the floor, covering his face with a first violin piece he had extra. "Ten minutes to sort that out. Oh, except for you, Kakuzu, I'd like to see you for a moment, un," Deidara said. Kakuzu stood as the others launched bravely, yet completely foolishly, into the piece. He stood beside Deidara and waited for the blond to do something.

"You play nice, un," Deidara said. "Nice sight-reading, hmm." Kakuzu said nothing. Deidara got up and put the piece back on his stand. "Let's get out of here before my eyes start bleeding, un." Deidara led Kakuzu backstage, sitting himself playfully on a table. "You're a really good player, yeah. I knew I wasn't making a mistake in hiring you, un."

"Arigato."

"Now, are you sure Tobi isn't an abuse victim, un?"

"You shouldn't joke about that."

"I'm not joking, un. What do I look like to you, Mr. Spoiled, un? But anyway, seriously, he's not dealing with any extreme emotions, is he, un?"

"He used to be abused, but he can't remember any of that. All he remembers is how to play the violin, like I told you before." Kakuzu crossed his arms over his chest.

"Good, un. I know people like that are terribly difficult to control, especially under pressure, un."

"You heartless bastard." Deidara pouted.

"What makes you say that, yeah?"

"Do you only care how your stupid music turns out?" Deidara looked at him thoughtfully.

"Well. Now there's one I haven't heard, un. I do care a lot how my music turns out, mostly because it's the only thing I have, un. But I care about my friends, yeah."

"Oh?"

"Well, supposing I had any, I'd care about them, un. Oh! I have two boyfriends and I care about them… oh, I'd say half the time, un. And my stand partner, I care about him enough to hire him, un." Kakuzu sighed.

"That wasn't the point. Do you care more about the people here or your music?"

"My music, un. Wow, that was easy, yeah." Deidara smirked, laying back on the table.

"You're a terrible person."

"Why, un?"

"Would you sacrifice anyone here if your music was at stake?" Deidara wrinkled his nose.

"Look, I don't particularly like being interrogated by you, yeah."

"Answer the damn question." Deidara sighed, taking out a cigarette lighter and setting the first violin part on fire. As it burned, he dropped it on the floor.

"If I could, I'd take the whole damn place with me, un," he said, and left back to the orchestra. Kakuzu stamped out the small fire and left, too.

* * *

Deidara sighed happily, breathing in the fresh air. It was a beautiful day, and today, he decided, was the day he was going to compose his masterpiece of the year. He had made a habit of composing something amazing once a year, something that even surprised him. And today, he was going to start. He was thinking about what key he might use, and was thinking of doing a few different keys, when he heard something he didn't like. "Stop! Get your hands off me!" Deidara stopped, looking around. Then he saw it. Orochimaru had a man backed against an alley wall, pressing ominously against him. Deidara ran up and grabbed Orochimaru's arm.

"What's going on, un?" he asked angrily. Orochimaru smiled down at Deidara, still keeping the man pinned.

"You're just who I wanted to see, Deidara," he drawled. He grabbed the man's arms, swinging him around and hitting his head against the brick wall. The man crumpled to the ground, and Deidara began backing away. But Orochimaru was too quick. He leapt upon Deidara, dragging the blonde further into the alley.

Deidara tried to get away, but Orochimaru was too quick. He soon found himself under Orochimaru's weight, being straddled by the older man. Orochimaru smirked down at him. "Don't know what I was doing with that shit, when I could have a blonde."

"Get off me, I fucking mean it," Deidara said venomously. Orochimaru shook his head, grabbing Deidara's bag and going through it. Suddenly, he found something he liked. He pulled out a roll of duct tape, smiling at Deidara.

"I'm going to have some fun with this…" he said ominously, cutting a piece and putting it over Deidara's mouth. Deidara tried to get it off, but his arms were pinned under Orochimaru. And then Orochimaru crawled off of him, grabbing the blonde's wrists an tying them behind his back with the duct tape. Deidara started to panic.

"Please let me go, please, un!" he cried as Orochimaru flipped him onto his back.

"Come on Deidara, what happened to days when you'd sleep with anyone?" Orochimaru purred. "I want so badly to be in you… I don't think I can resist."

"Don't do this, un!" Deidara cried, struggling against Orochimaru. Orochimaru hit him hard in the back of the head, succeeding in keeping him quiet for a moment. His hands wandered around to the front of Deidara's pants, undoing them and pulling them down around his knees, and undoing his own fly. The other man lay quietly nearby, oblivious to what was happening. Orochimaru's manhood pressed against Deidara's unprepared entrance, and the blonde flew into another state of panic. He wiggled and writhed, trying his hardest to free his hands or kick Orochimaru. Neither happened. Suddenly, Orochimaru moved back from Deidara. A moment of hope captured Deidara's heart, before he was turned to face Orochimaru's swollen manhood. "How about a blowjob?" Orochimaru chuckled, petting Deidara's face. He ripped the duct tape off the blonde's mouth and promptly shoved Deidara's head onto his dick. Deidara fought back, but the hold Orochimaru had in his hair prevented him from moving of his own will. Orochimaru bobbed his head up and down, slicking his member in saliva.

After what felt like hours Deidara was pulled off of Orochimaru's cock and shoved back on his stomach, hips in the air. Orochimaru shoved roughly in, and Deidara screamed, his voice muffled by the tape.

It seemed like forever before the other man woke up and ran off to get help. But by then Deidara had given up struggling and screaming, simply crying and whimpering at his torture. And Orochimaru had not stopped whispering disgusting things in his ear. No matter if he closed his eyes, Deidara could not get rid of Orochimaru. And even after the man ran off, it took them forever to finally get back there and rescue Deidara.

The police ran in and grabbed Orochimaru, but he resisted, and actually broke free. As everyone watched in horror, he ran off, two policemen in pursuit. But they came back empty-handed. Then someone got the bright idea to get Deidara to a hospital to get him checked up on. They put him in the second police car and drove him up to the hospital. All the while, the other man who had been there rode with him, saying something about feeling responsible.

They made it to the hospital and Deidara had to be supported in. They got him a little bed shoved away in some corner to just rest up. The man was standing beside him, Deidara's bags at his feet, not looking like he knew why he was there. Deidara had drifted into something akin to sleep, and gave merely an occasional twitch which showed he was still crying. Making a split second decision, the man whipped out his phone and dialed a number he knew by heart. "Kakashi?"

"Iruka? What's up?"

"I'm at a hospital. St. Marry's. I think I'll need a ride home."

"Holy shit, what happened?"

"I'll explain when you get here." Iruka's hands were shaking as he hung up. _'Belated shock,'_ he mused as he sank down against the wall.

Kakashi burst into the hospital room and marched straight over to Iruka. "What's going on?" he asked, worry dripping from his voice. Iruka stood up, lips trembling, and just buried his face in Kakashi's shirt, sobbing uncontrollably. Kakashi looked around and noticed Deidara lying on the hospital bed, but said nothing as he wrapped his arms around Iruka's heaving shoulders. He couldn't be mustered even the slightest bit of jealousy; he had a man who needed him.

Once Iruka composed himself, he drew back from Kakashi, wiping his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't worry about it," Kakashi replied. "What's going on?"

"I was just walking home from the train station-"

"We're sorry to interrupt," a police officer said, stepping in. "But we really need to know what happened. Can you tell us exactly what happened?" Iruka glanced around, then nodded, pulling up a chair.

"I was on my way home from the train station when this man started talking to me. Before I knew it, he had me pinned against a wall. I told him to get off me, but he wouldn't. Then-" Iruka paused, glancing at the blonde.

"Deidara," Kakashi filled in."

"Deidara…" Iruka spoke the name, as if it meant so much more to him. "Deidara came up and tried to help, but then that man hit my head against the wall and I blacked out. When I woke up, well… you saw what was happening… then I ran to the nearest police station."

"I see. Can I have your name please?"

"Iruka Umino," Iruka replied.

"Thank you. We'll get this written up and a search put out for him straight away." The policemen stood up and walked over to Deidara. "Excuse me, sir, but we're going to have to ask you a few questions." Deidara turned over on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

"I'm Deidara, the man who raped me was Orochimaru, un. He's employed as the director of the San Francisco Chamber Orchestra, and I have no clue why he did it, un." Deidara's eyes were closed, and his lips were trembling. He then rolled over onto his other side, curled up in a ball, and hid his face from the world.

"Is there a last name that goes with that?" one of the officers asked.

"Sanin, un."

"I know you," the other officer said. "You're that prodigy kid-" Deidara whimpered slightly, holding himself tighter. The officer stopped, coughed, and they stood. "I believe that's all we'll need. We'll get right on catching him-"

"You didn't get him, un?" Deidara cried, whirling around to face them.

"Um… not yet…" Deidara's eyes widened in fear, and he threw himself back down on the bed.

"We'll contact you with any news," the other officer said, and they left. Iruka took a deep breath, and turned to face Kakashi.

"Sorry to drag you into this," he said, looking sadly down at the floor.

"Hey, I said don't worry about it. Come on, let's get going." Iruka glanced back at Deidara.

"But-"

"Hey, what can we do?"

"We can't just leave him here…"

"What do you suggest we do, then?" Iruka looked around and spied Deidara's bags. He went over to them and dug through them, Deidara not showing that he even saw, or cared. Iruka soon produced a cell phone and started flipping through the contacts. He found one labeled home, and sent the number. He prayed to God someone would pick up.

"Hello, fucker, what do you want?"

"Hello, my name is Iruka Umino-"

"I'm sorry, I'm not interested in what you're selling."

"No, I'm calling about a Deidara Sanin."

"Who?"

"Deidara?"

"Oh, Deidara. What shit has he gotten himself into now?"

"We're at St. Marry's hospital, and I think you'd better get down here, sir."

"What the hell is going on?" the man asked, panic creeping into his voice. "Oi! Itachi! Do you know any Iruka?" Irachi- oh no, this was-

"Sir, please, he needs someone," was all Iruka could think to say.

"Oi, fucker, I don't know who the hell you are-"

"Give me that, Hidan! You're a barbarian! Hello?"

"I'm at St. Marry's Hospital with Deidara. I think you should come down here to fetch him."

"He's not hurt, is he?" the man sounded worried.

"I'm not quite sure. But he needs someone, please, just come down here."

"We're on our way. Hidan! Get moving!" and the line went dead.

Hidan and Itachi entered the room, not knowing what to expect. Half of them was hoping it was a prank call, just so they could be angry rather than scared shitless, and they also wanted to believe Deidara was fine somewhere, yelling at someone on the subway for sitting next to him. But he wasn't. He was looking nearly dead or suicidal on some hospital cot, with a strange man and Itachi's stalker sitting right next to him. Itachi's first reaction, past shock, was fear and worry. But Hidan reverted to his usual mode: anger. "What the fuck is going on?" he cried, marching right over to the small group. Itachi lagged back, assessing the situation. When Hidan seemed more preoccupied in yelling at Kakashi, he made his way quietly over to Deidara and wrapped an arm around the huddled, quivering blond. Deidara didn't react to him, but Itachi knew he felt it. Once Hidan stopped yelling he looked around, as if trying to find something to hit. But when he found nothing, he calmed down enough to listen to what had happened.

Once Iruka had finished his hoarse narrative, Hidan was quiet. Itachi stood up and coughed, glancing meaningfully down at Deidara before walking off to check him out. Hidan took his place on the edge of the bed, and lay a soothing hand on Deidara's shaking shoulder. Itachi returned, and they helped Deidara to his feet. Once he was steadied, Itachi turned to Iruka and Kakashi.

"Thank you," he said as warmly as he could muster. But his worry for Deidara clouded his voice. He made to say something else, stopped, looked around awkwardly, and followed Hidan and Deidara out of the hospital and to home. Things were never going to be the same.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Hey, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. The good news is that WhirlesPeace will be helping me on the next chapter. The bad news: I think I sold her my soul. T.T If you don't believe in souls, can you sell one without going to hell, because you don't really believe in hell either? Or do you live forever, because your soul can't go to either place? I'd be the death of my grandparents if they ever knew what I was thinking. Enjoy!

* * *

Hidan opened the door and Itachi rushed Deidara inside. The black haired man rushed Deidara into the bathroom as Hidan sat down tiredly on the couch.

__

Hidan wrapped an arm around Deidara's shoulders, but the blond whimpered, screwing his eyes shut and pushing feebly against the silver haired man's chest. Hidan stepped back as Itachi took Deidara into his arms, petting his hair. Jealousy boiled within him, but he let his ebony haired lover comfort their broken boyfriend.

Hidan ran a hand through his hair, trying to figure out what Deidara was feeling. Deidara had never made much sense, but at least he was independent. And now he was going absolutely mad, and they had nothing to rationalize it.

__

Itachi fumbled with the keys, and Hidan put an arm around Deidara's shoulders. Deidara whimpered, wiggling and pushing against him. Itachi looked back and gave Hidan a look, and the silver haired man let go of the blond.

Hidan leaned back on the couch, staring at the ceiling. What was going through Deidara's head? What was going on in that sick little mind? Itachi emerged from the bathroom, Deidara under his arm as he made his way to the bedroom. Hidan watched them, until the door closed. He stared at the closed door for a few minutes, until Itachi came out, sighing and rubbing his eyes. "Is he asleep?" Hidan asked, sitting up slightly.

"Yeah," Itachi replied, crawling to lay himself between Hidan's legs with his head on his chest.

"God," Hidan breathed, "what are we going to do?"

"I don't know," Itachi admitted. "I don't know if Deidara's going to be able to handle any of this." Hidan's heart sped up, and he wrapped his arms tightly around Itachi's back.

"But he's not going to do anything, right? He's not going to do anything stupid, right?" Itachi said nothing for a long moment. His head rested over Hidan's heart, and he couldn't help but notice how worried Hidan was getting.

"As long as we're here to keep him together," Itachi said softly, "I don't think he'll do anything stupid." They were silent for a minute, just laying there and thinking.

"But what can we do?" Hidan asked finally. "He won't even let me touch him." Itachi sat up and looked at Hidan.

"Hidan, you can't possibly suggest sex as a remedy for this!" he cried. Hidan blinked for a moment, trying to register that.

"No, but, I mean, if I can't even get near him-"

"Hidan, please, try and put yourself in his position! He's never been mentally stable, and this is just bound to have effects on his psyche that we can't even begin to understand. Don't do anything, please, that might just push him over the edge." Itachi got off the couch and walked into the kitchen. Hidan sighed. Back to frigid Itachi.

Itachi got together some dinner for Deidara, and took it into the bedroom. He was beginning to get the prickles of apprehension. It was like reading Of Mice and Men all over again. 'Don't get in trouble, Lennie.' It was too often he felt like he was the only one with sanity around here. But all he could do now was pray Hidan had the sense not to do something, and that Deidara could get himself back together, or at least tell Itachi how to help. Quietly, he entered the bedroom and sat down on the bed next to Deidara. "Dei, I brought you some food," he said. He had no idea how to comfort someone, but he might as well try.

Deidara didn't react. Itachi sighed and placed a hand on Deidara's shoulder. Deidara didn't pull away. "Dei, sweetie, you need to eat. Come on, I know you haven't eaten since this morning." Deidara didn't reply. Itachi sighed lightly, turning Deidara to face him. Tears had stained his blotched cheeks, and his eyes showed his fear and hurt. Itachi ran a hand through Deidara's hair. He wouldn't push the food, Deidara would probably just puke it up anyway.

.

The next day Deidara stayed mostly in the bedroom, until Hidan left for work. Then he wandered out and tried to tell Itachi what had happened. He may have been a musical prodigy, but wasn't one for articulation. Itachi tried to get the story from between the gasping sobs of breath, but there were some parts he just couldn't quite catch. What he mostly got was "Dirty, filthy hands-" "all over me, his stinking breath-" "God, _every _detail-" "I could see it, Itachi, even when I closed my eyes." And then Itachi was holding him and petting his hair, doing his best to soothe his distraught lover. But then Hidan came home, and Deidara retreated to the bedroom.

But the shit really hit the fan when Sasori decided to show up.

There was a frantic knock at the door. Hidan, still distressed over Deidara's irrational rejection, answered the door. "Who the fuck are you?"

"I need to see Deidara right now," Sasori said hurriedly, trying to see around Hidan.

"He's not… uh… presentable," Hidan ended lamely. Sasori glared at him.

"I could care less if he was stripped naked and tied to a bed. I've known Deidara for longer than you have, and I've seen more of him than you have, so let me the fuck in!"

"Itachi! There's a crazy man at the door!" Hidan called. Itachi materialized beside Hidan and glared at the redhead.

"Who are you?" he demanded. Sasori sighed exasperatedly.

"I'm God, now let me in!" he said, loud enough for anyone else in the apartment to hear. And then Deidara was there, standing behind Itachi and Hidan, a single eyebrow raised.

"No way in Hell, un," Deidara muttered. Hidan and Itachi turned to look at their lover.

"You know him?" Itachi asked. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Of course. Come on in, Sasori, yeah," Deidara pushed Hidan and Itachi aside, allowing Sasori inside. 'He's doing a marvelous job of keeping himself together,' Itachi thought to himself. He felt jealousy rise within him, but pushed it down. Deidara didn't need his lovers jumping all over his friend. Hidan seemed to be having a harder time with this concept. He was glaring at Sasori, looking slightly murderous. He almost said something, but Itachi pulled on his sleeve, shaking his head. Hidan wrinkled his nose, glaring at the pair. Deidara ignored both of them, simply sitting down on the couch. "So why come all the way here to interrupt me in my wallowing, un?" he asked. Itachi sighed and grabbed Hidan's hand, pulling him out of the living room. He sensed Deidara and Sasori needed to talk in private.

"Wallowing? Look, I could care less about your personal life, but we have a crisis on our hands"

"I have one on my hands as well, yeah, and it's still making me limp, un."

"Deidara, I'm serious! Orochimaru's gone!" Deidara stared at him blankly.

"Thank God, un?"

"What the fuck is going on? Orochimaru is completely gone, I can't get him to reply to my e-mails or calls! I've tried his cell, his home, his car phone, all three of his work numbers, everything! He can't be gone!" Deidara curled himself into a ball, resting his head on his knees.

"That's to be expected, un. I heard he got away, yeah." Sasori blinked, finally getting that something was off.

"Deidara… what happened?" A few silent tears rolled down Deidara's cheeks.

"He… yesterday, he- just grabbed me, and- and- I told him to stop, and he wouldn't listen, he just- just-" Sasori sighed, sitting down next to the blond and pulling him to his chest. Deidara sobbed heavily for a minute or so, before drawing away, taking a deep breath, drying his cheeks, and facing Sasori.

"So he raped you." Deidara nodded. "So he's in deep shit." Deidara nodded. "And he got away." Deidara nodded. "Well shit." Deidara sighed.

"I know you don't care, you get first chair anyway, un." Sasori sighed.

"Deidara, I don't give a shit about your personal life." Deidara chuckled darkly.

"I know, you've hated me since that cello concerto."

"Don't bring that up," Sasori admonished. "But I do care about how much your life involves mine. And that, unfortunately, is just about how you show me up in every aspect of music." Deidara looked up interestedly at Sasori. "And we both know you beat me a little more than evolution beats creationism. I'm a bitter man, I still hate your fucking guts for that cello concerto, but I would be undermining my own musical abilities to ignore your own abilities. You are worlds better than me, and I hate you for it. But I won't let my own bitterness stand in the way of music. I could go on stage and give the downbeat, and be first chair, but that wouldn't be right. You are our concertmaster, and as long as the conductor isn't here, you give the downbeat and you are the first violinist. I don't care what I have to do, but I will do whatever it takes to get you on that stage. If I have to push you on there and stand over you, I will do it, because for the sake of the music, you're the best." Deidara sighed.

"This is all so sudden, un," he mumbled.

"Deidara, there is no way I would be able to do the things you do. I thought at the very least I could catch up to you, but since that cello concerto, I know that you're a world above me. And there is no way I'm letting that talent escape this concert." Deidara sighed.

"I want to die, yeah," he muttered.

"Sorry to say, as long as you get through this concert, I think that's your body buddies' problem."

"I know."

"I hate you, really." Deidara smiled.

"You're sweet, hun bun, un."

"You're a freak."

"Love you too, yeah. I'll do it, if you give me a ride, hmm."

"Of course. All I expect you to do is give the A to the strings, and set the beat. I'll do all the explaining to our audience." Deidara hummed, gulping thickly.

"Right, un." Sasori coughed awkwardly. He never had to speak his real feelings around Deidara, the blond had a way of knowing what he meant no matter what he said. But now he had to say something with the right words.

"I don't know what to say," he said. That was a good start. "And I don't know how it feels either. I've never been used or mistreated or abused. Hell, anytime I feel threatened I just shag said threat. You know that."

"Danna, you're not alone on that. Most men I've met feel a need to assert their manliness in said fashion, un."

"So I'm not the one to comfort you. Just know that if you need to talk, you'll either get a cold, uncaring mountain of stone, or an awkward douche bag." Deidara chuckled.

"I knew you were there for me, yeah." Sasori sighed in relief. He had said it right. "But I thought you loved this whole 'I shall defeat you once I return from training in the mountains' gig we had going, yeah."

"Eh, since the cello concerto I've got it out my system."

"Lovely, un."

"I'll be back at six, all right?" Sasori stood and stretched. Not knowing really what to do, he walked towards the door. Suddenly, he thought of something, and turned around. "Did you skip your Prozac?" Deidara furrowed his brow, staring at Sasori in confusion. Suddenly, he chuckled.

"Danna, I swear to God you're not human, yeah." Sasori, making a split-second decision, walked back to Deidara, bending so his mouth was against the blonde's ear. "Do you mind if I verbally abuse your lovers?" Deidara gulped. "They don't treat you right. Sure they adore you, but if they don't care for music, they just love you for your body, no? You said it yourself. There's your body, and there's your music. What else about you do they have to love?" Deidara looked away.

"Six, was it, yeah?" Sasori sighed, drawing away from the blond.

"All right, this is your territory, I get it. But don't think I won't approach them elsewhere."

"Whatever, un." Deidara looked away.

"C'mon, brat, you said it yourself. You have that Hidan for his dick, and Itachi for the cuddling. Neither of them cook for you, they never go to your performances, so are they so different from two warm bodies?"

"Shut the fuck up, Sasori, yeah," Deidara growled, pushing the redhead off him. "I don't need to take this shit from you, un. Just let me go wallow some more, yeah." Deidara got up from the couch and left the living room. Sasori sighed, wandering into the kitchen. He quickly scrawled a note and a number, addressed it, and left. Deidara was obviously starting to see these bed warmers as true lovers, and if so, they were going to have to be filled in on a few things. It was about time Deidara stuck with someone, and if he had to play dad to get that done, then that's what was going to happen.

* * *

Deidara wanted to go into the bedroom. He really did. But once he peeked in the room, Hidan was there, whispering angrily with Itachi. Once he saw that, he decided the bathroom would due. Being alone was much better for wallowing anyway. But he was reminded of why he had loved this apartment: the acoustics. You could hear anything anywhere at any point in the apartment.

"So what? That fucking bastard was fondling our Dei! Do you even care?"

"Deidara didn't seem to mind…"

"Exactly! Don't you think we should investigate a _little _bit?"

"Do you even care about him? If it makes him happy to be fondled by his stand partner, how exactly does that hurt you?"

"Deidara is ours, not his, damn it! Do you think I want _another _sleaze with his hands all over him?"

"Can you calm down for a moment? Are you even thinking of him?"

"Of course I am!"

"No you're not! I swear, you're just thinking about all the sex you're going to miss if Deidara doesn't recover!" Deidara started sobbing. He'd rather be beaten to the point of no return than have to listen to this.


	9. Chapter 9

A/n: Hey all, sorry for the long wait! I had to type this on a school computer and a friend's computer, and Nikki typed a lot of it. She's the one who came up with the end, so if you don't like it, yell at her! Have fun!

* * *

Eventually Itachi figured out Sasori had left and found Deidara. Hidan growled something about cooling his head and left Itachi and Deidara alone. Deidara sighed in relief, until the dreaded question came: "What happened at the cello concerto?" But the story, despite multiple bruises, a broken heart, it had a free dinner, so it ended well.

"That's such a long story, un," he sighed, laying his head in Itachi's lap as they sat on the couch. "It all started when the cello player broke his arm…"

* * *

Pein surveyed the orchestra. Damn. This was not supposed to happen. The cellist was not supposed to get hit by a car. Now who would play for the first fucking half of their show? Sighing, he walked over to the first cellist. "Can you play this?" he murmured, putting a piece of music on her stand. The young woman turned pale and like she was about to puke.

"Um…"

"Never mind. You can't." Sighing, Pein took the piece and went off to find his last resort. Quickly, he set off to the violin section. All he found was Orochimaru. "Where's Deidara?" he asked. Orochimaru glowered.

"Fucking Sasori somewhere," he replied moodily.

"Where?"

"Backstage, probably."

"Thank you." Pein walked quickly to the backstage area and was mentally scarred from finding Sasori pinning Deidara to the nearest table and doing some pretty heavy duty make out. Sighing, he cleared his throat. "Deidara?" Sighing, the blond pushed Sasori off of him, wiping his mouth.

"Shit, Saso-sweetie, you've probably got my lipstick all over you, un," he said, smiling.

"Deidara, pay attention!" Pein snapped his fingers in front of Deidara's face. The blond turned to him.

"Oh. Right, yeah. What's up, un?"

"When was the last time you played a cello?" Deidara blinked.

"That's not a euphemism for sleeping with one, is it, un?"

"No, I mean the instrument."

"Three years ago when I played with Yo-Yo Ma, I managed to talk him into letting me play his cello, yeah."

"Could you play this?" Pein held up the piece. Deidara glanced at it, smiling.

"Of course, darling, un," he said. "In fact… I've played something like this before…" Deidara picked up the piece and looked it over closely. "Just as I figured, un. Personally, I think it would be better to take this part and bring it down an octave, and then-" quickly, Deidara glanced at Sasori. "Um, yeah, I can play it, but I don't see why I should have to, yeah."

"Our cellist won't be able to make it."

"Oh. In that case, I have a lovely, sight readable ditty in my back pocket, I think that might replace-"

"No. You're going to play the cello concerto." Deidara grinned.

"Ok, yeah!" Sasori was looking quite peeved by now. Once Deidara accepted, he threw his arms into the air and stomped off.

"What was that about?" Pein asked.

"Sasori's a prick, yeah."

"As long as you can play the concerto, I could care less about your personal life." Deidara gave Pein a sultry look.

"But what if my personal life concerns the cello concerto, un?" Pein rolled his eyes and turned to leave. But then he remembered something, and turned to Deidara.

"That black lipstick had better be gone by the time the concert starts, and that annoying ponytail has got to go."

"Will do, boss, un!" Deidara said happily, giving Pein a wink and walking off, swaying his hips. Pein rolled his eyes, leaving to go make sure everything else was in order.

* * *

Sasori was beyond pissed. He was angrier than a Republican who couldn't find anything wrong with Bill Clinton. He was angrier than a Brittney fan at the height of the Brittney bashing scandal. Steam was coming out of his ears, almost. There Deidara was, sight reading a cello concerto with ease, and even taking his eyes off the music to smile radiantly at Pein. Sasori wasn't the only one who was angry. Orochimaru shared his anger, and Deidara's stand partner as well. It wasn't Deidara's place to exercise his inane ability to completely outshine everyone around him. Sasori would have to put a stop to this.

* * *

"Deidara," Sasori growled, catching the blond after the show. Deidara had somehow managed to get changed into a loose pair of jeans and a tight black shirt. He turned, smiling, to Sasori. "What the hell was that all about?"

"Was what about, un?"

"Showing everybody up!" Sasori cried. "You're second stand, you can't just get up and sight read a cello concerto!"

"But I just did, un."

"I know why Pein let you play it," Sasori growled. "You slept with him, didn't you?" Deidara giggled. "What the hell is so funny?"

"Your face is the same color as your hair, un!" he snickered. Sasori, fuming, reached out and slapped the blond across the face, with enough force to make him spin. Deidara put a hand to his cheek, eyes wide. Without much further ado, he grabbed the back of Sasori's hair, bringing the redhead's face to his knee. Sasori tackled Deidara to the ground, throwing a punch to his gut.

They were fighting, and then they were kissing, mouths doing the battling. And it was a battle Sasori knew he could win. Quickly, he pulled Deidara into a nearby closet, pressing the blond against the wall. Deidara wrapped himself expertly around Sasori. He was begging, pleading for Sasori to just shag him senseless. And Sasori did just that, pushing in without any preparation. Deidara held back a scream and pressed their mouths together.

Once Sasori had emptied himself, he pulled out. Deidara sighed slightly, and Sasori looked down in horror. A dribble of blood had followed his exit, along with his sperm. "Deidara, I-" Deidara launched himself at Sasori, holding him desperately. He hadn't come; he hadn't even been hard. Sasori held him tenderly, allowing him to recuperate. Finally, he let go of Sasori, shakily getting to his feet and pulling up his pants. Sasori shot to his feet and wrapped his arms around the blond, holding him close. "Deidara, I didn't realize I was hurting you." Deidara said nothing for a long moment.

"You needed to, un," he said quietly. Sasori spun the blond around, looking him in the eye.

"What the hell?" Deidara sighed.

"You're no better than the rest of them, un. They know I'm better than them, so they have to assert their dominance through sex, un. It's the only way their manly egos can sustain anyone being better, yeah."

"Then what the hell are you?" Sasori asked.

"I don't know, un!" Deidara cried, throwing up his hands in frustration. "But I have more problems than a gender identification crisis, yeah!"

"Like what?"

"Like I've got your manly fluids leaking out my asshole, un!" Deidara turned to go, but Sasori caught his wrist.

"Look, Deidara, I-" Sasori suddenly found his mouth dry. "You're a jerk and a slut and a man-whore. Come on, we're going to get some dinner." Sasori opened the door to the closet and stepped out, leading Deidara out of the building and to his car. Deidara grinned happily as Sasori opened the door for him. "What's got you so happy all of a sudden?"

"Danna loves me, un," Deidara teased, kissing the redhead on the cheek. Sasori wrinkled his nose and got in the car, backing up and driving off.

Dinner was lovely. You really had to understand Sasori, but he was actually a nice guy. After dinner, Sasori took Deidara back to his apartment.

After Deidara had showered and had stripped down to his boxers, he slipped under Sasori's covers. About fifteen minutes later, Sasori joined him, turning off the light and getting in bed, making sure not to touch Deidara. Deidara rolled over to face the redhead in the dark. "Sasori?" he asked quietly, after a long silence.

"Yeah?"

"I hear… I hear, when lovers sleep together, they… hold… each other, un." Sasori turned to face Deidara, propping himself up on one elbow. "It could just be a rumor, I don't know, but… can you… hold me, yeah?" Deidara's nose was swelling pretty badly, and he had a bruise over his left eye. Sasori bent, kissing Deidara's lips sweetly.

"Of course." Sasori turned Deidara so that they were back to front, and wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist. He knew Deidara was crying. This was the last time they would touch each other like this. There was no way, after the beating they had given each other, that they could be together in any way. No matter if they still loved each other, no matter if Sasori had become the only other person in Deidara's life, no matter how close they were, it was the cycle of abuse. And they both knew it, too. Sasori had beat Deidara, hurt him to the core, and then bought him dinner. This night would the last night Deidara had his Danna.

* * *

"… so that's how it ended?" Itachi asked. Deidara nodded, smiling shyly.

"Yep, un."

"You just… slept together like that… and left?"

"Yeah, un."

"He didn't sound like he was being very nice to you in the living room just now."

"You have to speak Danna, un. He's really a cutie, un." Itachi looked skeptical, but Deidara didn't need him to start hating on his friends.

"What was that bit about Prozac?" Deidara chuckled.

"Oh, that's just an inside joke we have. I turned normal once I started taking it, un."

"So you're going to do your concert tonight?" he asked, suddenly changing the subject.

"Yeah."

"Do you want me to come-"

"No, un." Deidara looked a bit sorry for his speedy answer. "I mean, it's not exactly your cup of tea, you'd be bored to tears, un."

"Really, at a time like this, do you think that matters?"

"Yes, I think it does, un." Deidara got up and shakily walked to the bedroom. Itachi sighed, knowing Deidara wanted to be alone. Feeling slightly misplaced, he stood up and walked into the kitchen. A note on the counter caught his attention. He had to again question Deidara's choice in friends.

'Dear person who screws Deidara frequently,

You're in for a big surprise. Hope you can keep it up.'

-Sasori' Itachi sighed, crumpling the note. That Sasori probably needed heavy medication.

* * *

Deidara looked up into Itachi's eyes, pleadingly. "Take me, un," he whispered, holding Itachi's hand. The Uchiha gulped, taking a deep breath.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "Are you really ready?"

* * *

It had become a common happening; Itachi would take his eyes off Hidan and Deidara for ten seconds, and the silver-haired cook would be all over the blonde, kissing and groping and touching. Deidara would inevitably push him off, coming up with some excuse, and wander off. But this time, it was different. Once Deidara muttered the predictable "S-stop, un," Hidan didn't. He held on to the musician, hoping to convey his love through the contact. "Hidan! Stop it, un!" Deidara cried, pushing hard against Hidan's chest. The cook let go, looking down at Deidara.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked. He hadn't meant for his anger to come out in this way, but if he didn't get it out with words, it might amount to physical. "I just love you, can't you see that?" Deidara looked down. "It's been forever, can't you at least let me take care of you?" Hidan tried to put all his frustration into his words, all his anger, all this pent up anxiety and sexual tension. "Just let me be with you." Hidan reached out to touch Deidara's cheek. Deidara slapped the hand away, and then promptly struck Hidan across the face.

"You pig, yeah!" he screamed. He began crying, running off to the bedroom. Hidan, growling, punched the wall. Itachi emerged from the bedroom, glaring at Hihdan.

"If you can't handle Deidara, you can just leave," Itachi shrieked. "If you can't control your damn sexual desires, you can just get the hell out of here!" Hidan turned without another word, slamming the door on his way out. Itachi sighed, going back to the bedroom. Deidara was sitting awkwardly on the bed, looking at his hands folded in his lap.

"I overreacted, un," he muttered.

"No you didn't," Itachi murmured, sitting down and wrapping an arm around the blonde. Deidara leaned against him, humming lightly.

"What Orochimaru did to me… was a lot like having sex with Hidan, hmm."


End file.
